EDITOR’S NOTE: We end this year by each taking a look back and picking our five best posts, explaining both their importance to us and to the world we currently live in.  Clicking the banner images will link you to each post, so as 2014 comes to a close join us in remembering how far we’ve come, but also how far we still have to go.

Given the vehicle through which you’re reading these words the relationship between the internet and communication is never very far from my mind. It should also go without saying for those who spend any amount of time online that Tumblr as a community has cultivated quite a reputation for itself over the past few years.

While the sentiments found within this post are certainly nothing new [the squeaky wheel gets the grease, the concept of the vocal minority, etc.] I do think that it establishes them while also backing them up with hard evidence. At the very, very least it also lays out, for those who never cared to look into it, what exactly an “SJW” is.

Another deeply personal post makes it onto this list, just like last year’s. As if letting you all read my current writing didn’t make me vulnerable enough it also featured a full op-ed from my college days [some stylistic choices make me cringe even now].

“It is difficult to be alone,” reads a since discontinued t-shirt from an AWOL webcomic creator. Those words have felt more and less real as seven years of being single has passed by, and what energy they offered I poured into penning some thoughts on the idea of marriage. Admittedly tailored more to those of the young Christian demographic it’s my hope that it helps at all with fellow single men and women in this group, as well as acting as a bit of an eye-opener for those who aren’t.

I don’t think there’s ever going to be a year where Culture War Reporters doesn’t feature at least a handful of posts covering Asians in media and pop culture, and 2014 actually featured two such posts. With this year I opted for just the one, in particular because it dealt pretty directly with how we interact with our entertainment.

To reiterate a point I made many times in the post itself, I genuinely enjoyed The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and consider it one of the best shows I watched in 2015. It even featured an Asian character as a desirable love interest, which is something I genuinely appreciate. All that said, Ki Hong Lee’s Dong Nguyen lacks a lot in terms of verisimilitude. I ultimately ask how much applause the show deserves [and it most certainly deserves a good amount] if they couldn’t be bothered to depict an authentic Vietnamese character.

As a minor cheat which may or may not bring this list up to six, I also covered the idea of generally good entertainment containing deeply troubling issues in: Putting The Martian On Blast – Racebending, Whitewashing, and the Last Straw

The internet is genuinely one of my favourite topics, and this post was particularly fascinating to write because it ended up with the latter of the two Facebook pages, the generally bigoted and misogynistic “GRUNTS 11 Bravo, U.S. Infantry Soldiers” sharing it with their forty-something thousand followers. It also garnered two comments from people who I assume are from that very page, and who misconstrued that I was firmly on the side of women joining the army [it’s not something I’ve really looked into at any length].

Ultimately this brief look into the two served as a brief glimpse into the sort of toxicity that can be cultivated within military social groups, as well as a fantastic example of an echo chamber, in which opinions [positive or negative, in this case the latter] are spoken and then repeated ad nauseam.

Scanning through my posts this year I was surprised to see that I conducted a number of interviews, and while talking to Federico Dordei was genuinely eye-opening as far as what goes behind the scenes of the only sitcom I review, the conversation I had with Christopher Zeischegg, formerly known as Danny Wylde, stood out among all others.

Not only did Zeischegg openly opine about the adult industry, in which he currently works in a non-participatory capacity, he genuinely expressed how he felt about an incident involving him being done up in yellowface makeup. In doing so he asked some very piercing [and as far as I’m concerned, unanswered] questions about how to balance our desire for political correctness and our fetishes, and if there’s a sphere out there in which both can exist.

In a great many ways 2015 was just like 2014. Asians continued to be shafted, to some extent, in the media. Misogyny still exists and even thrives online [as well as offline]. Art remains extremely difficult to interact with or understand, and opinions surrounding it remain divisive. Relationships are hard.

My favourite posts of 2015 dealt with how to make these ideas or sentiments feel more real. If Tumblr is in fact improving then where are these enlightened posts you speak of? What do you mean Dong Nguyen isn’t a good depiction of a Vietnamese character, where’s your proof? Not to toot my own horn in regards to any research I’ve done, but we can better understand our culture, just like anything else, with concrete facts and actual sources.

Of course this breaks down with more personal aspects, and questions about both marriage and sexual fantasizing prove that not everything is easily pinned down. Culture as we know it is can be recorded and better understood, but not every side of it.

This year I sought to create conversations that had more solidity to them, while acknowledging that this could not be applied to every topic. Looking forward to 2016 one of my resolutions is to keep the facts in place while exploring how else to improve the discussion, possibly by emphasizing the human element.

-Evan.

Before we get right into the review, I want to spotlight a fact you may not be aware of: there’s a chance 2 Broke Girls may be cancelled. According to the aforelinkedto TV By The Numbers the CBS sitcom has recently received ratings below Mike & Molly, another three camera show from the same network that was axed in 2015.

On the flip side of things, it’s been reported that over in mainland China the show is actually doing quite well. 2 Broke Girls is actually the number one most-searched American TV show on Baidu, the search engine of choice for people living there. Following behind it are such programs that you would expect to top the list, like Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones. Unfortunately a Chinese audience is not going to convince CBS to keep the show around, which is why I’m going to start approaching these reviews from a particular angle, specifically: what can 2 Broke Girls do to save itself?

Snag plotlines straight from reddit?

For additional context, and as you’ll see far below in my “The Title Refers To” section, this episode focuses primarily on a dude who has two dicks, or to put it more technically a condition called diphallia. The context of the above paragraph/sentence is that the 8th highest post ever on /r/IAmA, the subreddit where people as high profile as POTUS Barack Obama field questions from internet strangers, is, well-

-a guy with two penises.

Considering that reddit is the 9th most trafficked sited in the States there’s some small chance that someone in the writer’s room saw this thread when it was posted two years ago. But so what? What if 2 Broke Girls based the premise of this episode from something they found on the internet? In general everything is acceptable so long as it’s done well, so the real question should be if they pulled it off or not-

Unfortunately the answer is a resounding “no”. Things start out very promising, with new guy Owen declining the chance to do the horizontal tango with Max due to having to work early in the morning. This is fairly devastating, given that normally she gets what she wants, sex-wise, and things are further complicated when he says he wants them to get to know each other better first. The kicker, though, is his admission that this is due to him being “not regular down there”.

On the big night, and after some mild flirting, Max shares a few choice tidbits about her rough upbringing. Instead of jumping ship, as she expects him to, instead Owen kisses her, says they should skip dinner, and admits that he is a big fan of fire safety. They have sex and she sees his two penises.

The real issue comes about when Max tells Caroline the next day, which in turn leads to everyone else finding out as well. They react predictably, up until Caroline actually responds with “Max, you can’t be serious” after hearing that her friend really likes Owen. Is his condition honestly supposed to be some kind of dealbreaker? It comes so far out of left field that [continue baseball analogy here]. Then there’s Owen’s understandable, though never plainly stated, betrayal at having his secret made public. Following that up is Max being relatively sad, which feels awkward due to the little we’ve seen of him and their relationship.

Don’t wory, double fisting whipped cream canisters can solve any problem.

That chain of events in general isn’t bad, and is in fact a sitcom staple, but the actual execution is botched because the stakes are so low. We don’t actually care about Owen or his relationship with Max enough to want it to stick around. On that same note, we’re not disgusted enough by Owen and his diphallia to side with Caroline and get why she doesn’t want them together. There were some pretty choice puns dropped about having two dicks, but those puns need to be able to coexist with a strong narrative.

I actually went into this thinking that Sophie and Oleg would receive more of a focus this episode, especially since [and again, I mention this below] I assumed the title was in reference to her ovaries and such. Unfortunately their arc feels tacked on, with Sophie being afraid of the gynaecologist, or more accurately the potential reveal that their problems with childbirth stem from her womb and not Oleg’s testicles. This is another go-to for sitcoms [see: Scrubs‘ “My Own Personal Hell”], with a strong foundation of anxieties built on respective virility/fertility issues, but it’s never given quite enough time to really develop into anything significant. Come the end of the episode we find out that pregnancy is a in fact a possibility for the couple, any small present conflict immediately solved.

I certainly don’t have any issue with 2 Broke Girls trawling reddit, tumblr, or even 4chan for material, but if their comedic mechanics are so poor that they can’t adequately handle a simple shared-secret-ends-relationship storyline then things are looking grim. To offset that, however, is the fact that the cast continues to excel at physical comedy, and somehow manage to act better as an ensemble with each and every passing episode. There are bright spots for sure, but the problem spots needs to be addressed if the show doesn’t want to go the way of one of CBS’ last three camera sitcoms.

Current Total: $174.35

New Total: $140.00. Where hast thou gone, $34.35? Was Max’s pay docked due to her smuggling out bologna? We’ll never know.

The Title Refers To: Owen’s diphallia and not, as the promo pictures let on, Sophie’s reproductive organs.

Stray Observations:

• As evidence of the cast’s strength when it comes to physical comedy, the cold open had two great moments with: Han attempting to give Max a pat down-

• -and Oleg catching the bologna from Han  and just flinging it back into the kitchen.
• Caroline gives birth to a roll of toilet paper. At least it wasn’t another fish this time.
• She’s also caught by Max and Owen uncontrollably spraying white cream everywhere while frantically closing a laptop and no one says anything about it. This is the most restraint the show has ever shown in its entire runtime and it shocked me to my core.
• “Geez, one guy doesn’t wanna sleep with you and you’re sweatin’ to the oldies?”
• I was really impressed by Max drawing pictures of penises on camera, but angling the paper just enough so that censors couldn’t bust them for it.
• “Could be anything, in Moscow I saw this amazing penis freak show, ‘Ripleyovich Belive it or Nyet.'”
• Caroline’s options as to what Owen’s “down there” could look like: gnarly, wonky, truly haunting.
• “What if it’s not Oleg’s swimmers . . . what if it’s my pool?”
• “I wish I could afford Scruples, this is ‘Scrumples.'” My favourite joke of the entire night.
• “You too- I mean one!“
• “The only case in which two dongs make a right.”
• “Well Max, I guess he’s not the one, ‘cause he’s the two“
• Pop Culture Put-Downs: Not much here, either. Time to find a new feature?

You can read a better introduction at the beginning of last year’s awards, but I can quickly fill in for any new readers out there that I began reading at a fairly young age and continued on to study literature in college. That being said reading and literature have been a part of my life for about as far back as I can remember.

This second installment of the Evan Yeong Literary Awards seeks to once again call attention to the artistic medium that I love most, taking note of the books I read in the past year and [at least this time around, solely] praising the standouts. A lot of pages were put away in 2015, and it was actually a challenge this year to keep the number of winners to just under a dozen.

In 2015 I once again resolved to read 52 books and this time met my goal; sweet success. You can check out a full list [with the exact dates of when I read each one] at this link.

book that most helps “the cause/mission”

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
Published 2005

The former as used by the hosts of the podcast Black Men Can’t Jump and the latter being the name of Joseph Philip Illidge’s column on Comic Book Resources, both terms are ultimately defined as work that progresses diversity. To that effect, White British author Gaiman is one of its truest champions, crafting a fantastical novel that lets its characters fall under the default race of reader’s assumptions only to have that torn away, much to even [or especially] my chagrin, in later pages. Fantasy as a genre is not often populated by men and women of colour, at least in Western fiction, and to have this novel exist, as well as be supported by such an unshakable talent, is a wonderful thing.

novel that doesn’t, and then does, live up to the hype

The Catcher in the Rye in J. D. Salinger
Published in 1951

The only thing I knew about this [in]famous work of fiction prior to reading it is that the murderer of one of The Beatles was obsessed with it and that it has been a frequently banned book, so I was not at all expecting the tale of a teenager who just wanted to drink some drinks and go on some dates and figure out what adolescence is really about. On that same note, I also didn’t think I would be exposed to some of the most raw and honest writing about what it’s like to be a dumb, lost kid. I still don’t fully understand what all the hubbub was about, but I also see why so many dating profiles have it featured as their favourite book. 

you don’t have to have a judeo-christian background to read this… but it’s better if you do

Salt Fish Girl by Larissa Lai
Published 2002

Recommended by my friend Adam of Pokécology, this book was described by him as being, at least in part, about future human beings who end up contracting a disorder that makes them smell like various different things, with durian being just one scent among hundreds. While I focused on the obvious parallels to Eastern religion and mysticism it wasn’t until a further discussion with him [he was planning to cover it for an upcoming phD exam] that I was made aware of how much of it also covered, or played off of, the religious views I had been raised with [and continue to believe in and practice]. Definitely worth a re-read from yours truly, Lai’s second novel masterfully explores a bevy of topics beyond spirituality, but if you want to delve into that aspect alone it’s more than worth it.

best literary representation of the tagline to “AVP: Alien vs. Predator”

Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay
Published 1990

One of the hallmarks of classic fantasy has long been the age-old battle between good and evil, a clear narrative following our heroes as they overthrow and vanquish their foes. While moral ambiguity and rooting for the villains has long been the territory of Game of Thrones in recent years, this novel presents such living, breathing human characters that words like “protagonist” and “antagonist” feel paltry and cheap. The 2004 installment in the shared Aliens and Predator film franchise was advertised with the line “Whoever wins… We lose,” and those words ring true as a violent culmination of events will have readers wondering if any victor will award them with the satisfactory resolution they hope for.

most entertainment value per page

Pink Moon by Stef Ann Holm
Published 2004

The third book of the Single Moms, Second Chances Series, what appears to be the simple tale of two single parents falling for one another is confounded at every turn by mistrust, pride, doubt, a custody hearing, and even, if you can believe it, bees. Soon after starting the romance novel I began sending excerpts to those who requested it on Facebook, which created a frenzy that eventually led to the creation of a weekly updating [but currently defunct] fan page. Without a shadow of a doubt almost every page turn of Pink Moon had me hooked, scanning every paragraph for a choice quote to spotlight or transform into a meme. While it may not have the highest literary value, whatever that’s supposed to mean, Holm delivers all the entertainment you expect from the genre, and then some.

reminder that McSweeney’s exists, and i/you could probably read it more often

Your Fathers, Where Are They? And the Prophets, Do They Live Forever? by Dave Eggers
Published 2014

It wasn’t until midway through this book that I looked up who Eggers was and saw that he was one of the co-founders of McSweeney’s, a fun place on the internet for literary humour, among other things. Though it’s not like that had or has any real effect on the actual work itself, which is a gripping story told solely through dialogue between a kidnapper and those he has captured. While the situation taking place can, and probably should, at times, be taken as comedic, the grim reality of what’s actually occurring remains just below the surface throughout its entirety. It’s also a clear, at least to this reader, indictment of current events, as topical now in 2016 as at the time of its publication, and should force anyone reading its contents to ask why things are the way they are, and if they have to stay that way.

most trigger-warning-worthy

Ruby by Cynthia Bond
Published 2015

The fact of the matter is that there exist people who, for a number of valid reasons, require a heads up when it comes to depictions of violence, sexual assault, et cetera. Only the first of what is to be a fully trilogy, Ruby fully explores the outright horrors of both racism and sexual slavery and pulls absolutely no punches. Saying that reading this book is a harrowing experience is putting it lightly, but it never once feels like it’s meant to astound, shock, or titillate. While fantastical elements remind you that this is a work of fiction the events within manage to call out to what is happening not just across the ocean, but possibly in the city outside your very window. Ultimately painful, very possibly needed, and not at all for the overly sensitive.

best in class: Sad lady lit

The Woman Upstairs by Claire Messud
Published 2013

Coined by yours truly, “sad lady lit” is a genre that I’ve been using to describe those works of literature that share a particular focus on loneliness and isolation in their female protagonists. While the term may seem pejorative it’s actually one that I purposefully seek out from time to time, as it’s a perspective that I don’t think receives the attention or respect it deserves. All of that being said, The Woman Upstairs captures the spirit of the genre to a tee. Nora Elridge, while not sad in and of herself, may at least elicit that emotion in readers and her search for self, such as it is, truly speaks to the quieter and more reserved among us.

100% judged by its cover

The First Bad Man: A Novel by Miranda July
Published 2015

With its stark white lettering on its perfectly black cover, this is a book that stands out on the shelf and practically leaps into your hands. While not the only one that belongs in this category, The First Bad Man differentiates itself from the rest by having its contents thematically match what wraps around them. Without giving anything away any spoilers, and to repeat a cliché, not everything is as it seems. This book practically exults in having its characters play different roles while still being starkly aware of what they’re doing all the while. The question this novel begs is what character it is that you’re choosing to play in your day to day life, and if you realize you’re doing it at all.

a partial look into british femininity and sexuality – dual recipients

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison
Published 1999

Virgin by Radhika Sanghani
Published 2014

Georgia Nicholson is 14 years old and just wants to see what making out is like; Ellie Kolstakis is a 21-year-old who is just dying to lose her “V-plates”, come hell or high water. The parallels are obvious, and both Rennison and Sanghani choose to address their respective topics with a good dash of humour, as is typically needed.

While certainly not exhaustive by any means, these two novels together do provide a fairly broad glimpse at what it means to be a young [and younger] woman who feels left behind both romantically and sexually. They also smartly communicate that these issues, as seemingly pressing as they are and appear to be, are no be-all and end-all. While not necessarily required reading for the female teens and twenty-somethings of the UK [Rennison’s novel in particular is overall better than Sanghani’s] they are certainly doing what they can to make life, if not necessarily easier to get through, a little easier to understand.

As mentioned above a full list of books read can be seen here. To further break down that number, however, I have a few stats for your consideration:

• Number of Books Read: 57
• Books by White/Male Authors/Editors: 27
• Books by Everyone Else: [Playground had a non-White author in Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson III and a female author in Laura Moser and as a result has been counted in both categories]
  • Books by Non-White Authors: 13
  • Books by Female Authors: 24
  • Books by Both of the Above: 6
• Books by Canadian Authors/Editors: 6
• Fiction Books: 54
  • Full-Length Novels: 48 [while some of the children’s books below were quite short, Danny Dunn and the Swamp Monster in particular, I decided not to nitpick and include all long-form fictional narratives in one place]
  • Short Story Collections: 4
  • Short Novel Collections: 1
• YA Books Read: 3
• Children’s Books Read: 4
• Non-Fiction Books: 3 [The Bro Code, while framed as a self-help or how-to book, was deemed fictional. A Boy’s War, on the other hand, is a true story that was more autobiography than novel.]
• Books That Have Received Film Adaptations: 10
  • Above Film Adaptations That I’ve Seen: 1 [Matchstick Men]
• Authors I Read The Most Of: Mark Lawrence

Honestly, it’s been so long since the show has referenced the fact that Caroline Channing is a formerly wealthy heiress that it’s weird to think about how classism was once the foundation the show was built on. Now obviously the premise of the show is found in its title, a pair of young women struggling through near-poverty, but the first season really capitalized on one of the two leads having been filthy rich.

That also means that it’s been a very, very, very long time since 2 Broke Girls has decided to retread the plotline of Caroline ending an episode with a realization about her new life being, in some ways, far superior to her old one. Until this week, that is.

Which isn’t to say that it doesn’t offer up anything new and potentially exciting. See, it’s Caroline’s grandmother Astrid [played by Judith Roberts, who you may remember as one of the elderly cons on Orange is the New Black] who has just come out of a coma, and consequently going to have a coming out party to celebrate. Sorry, anyone hoping for an LGBT-centred storyline, it’s a deceptively-titled episode. Could I maybe direct you to last year’s “And the Inside Out Situation”?

The twist, because there has to be one, is that Grammy Channing doesn’t actually know about her son’s misdeeds and consequent incarceration and loss of wealth [her nearly finding out is what resulted in her coma to begin with]. Caroline is instructed to orchestrate the luncheon without her grandmother finding out about this horrific event.

Now before we get into the Big Character Moment™ that I promised she would experience at the climax of this episode, I want to discuss how the show’s approach to Astrid Channing can be telegraphed by its direction lately. No one who’s been watching Season 5 of 2 Broke Girls can honestly say that it’s preoccupied with the titular characters making money, and in fact the “New Total” shown at the end of each episode means little to nothing at all. It’s for this reason that we never really see Caroline’s grandmother as a possible solution to their poverty, or expect Max to be met with anything but the mildest disappointment [she barely reacts] when finding out that the old lady is likewise broke.

I also want to ask, since I honestly don’t know the answer, why Caroline’s Grammy has no money. I don’t see how her son’s actions could’ve affected her fortune at all. It also doesn’t explain why Bernard, her butler, stuck around since he can’t possibly be paid nothing. I’m sure he wasn’t viewing exclusive access to her very expensive creams as adequate payment for his services. Why is he around at all? Later in the episode he bemoans looking for a new job at Chipotle, but hasn’t he been unemployed this entire time?

There are so many questions I want to pose to the writers’ room, you guys.

Back to where we left off, Caroline’s moment is so big that she actually delivers an entire speech to her grandmother after being told to stop picking up bits of crystal off the floor since she is “not help”:

“Grammy, you may have been a coma but I feel like it’s me that just woke up. For the past five years I have really been missing all of this. But it’s not good crystal that makes a life, it’s good people. People like them. And they are not ‘the help’, but they did come here to help me. ‘Cause you and I may be related but these people are my family now. And also I should tell you: I don’t work on Wall Street. I work in Brooklyn, in a diner. See, I’m a waitress.”

It’s a lot. It’s a lot and it feels mostly unfounded since Astrid Channing is not terrible to the staff [the diner gang having been coerced into helping out]. She’s not even terribly racist, having nothing to say about Earl as the sommelier and only accusing Han of being Chinese instead of Korean. When she says earlier that Caroline being friends with the help it doesn’t feel nasty or even condescending, more like stating a fact.

But Caroline drops this bomb on her grandmother regardless, shattering the old woman’s dreams that her granddaughter has actually leveraged her Wharton business degree into a successful career in business. Then Gertrude [the only friend still alive to attend the coming out party] further explains that Astrid has no money and the shock kills her. It’s the first fatality we’ve seen with our own eyes on 2 Broke Girls, as far as I can remember.

As with most episodes this season, and the one that came before it as well, this episode is peppered with some legitimately funny moments. The issue is, as with this show’s entire running existence, they exist around a shaky narrative framework. Seven episodes in and we’re still not sure exactly what Max and Caroline are working towards, and at this point the only continuing storyline to latch onto is Sophie and Oleg’s attempts to have a baby. When your secondary characters are the ones whose hopes and problems continue from one episode to the next you have a problem.

HEAR YE, HEAR YE: The 2 Broke Girls writers’ room cares so little about the “Current Total” and “New Total” at the end of this show that they literally aired the exact same numbers as the last episode. The former was $174.35 and the latter $140.00. I’m honestly shocked at the carelessness, because it’s like they’re barely even trying to justify the feature anymore.

The Title Refers To: Please see the third paragraph far up above.

Stray Observations:

• Max hacked into Han’s Amazon account. The password: “Han Solo”
• The passwords he comes up with afterwards: “Han Golden Pond”, “Han-ah Montana”, “Straight Outta Compt-Han”
• Caroline’s grandmother didn’t shun her, “she was just practically dead!”
• “You know I exclusively shop at TJ Max. They’ve been helping me spring into summer for years!”
• “Crack a window it smells like ASS-trid in here.”
• SO many old people jokes.
• “Maria, was it? I’ll take a tall glass of agua, por favor!”
• Max and Caroline are so poor they drink “Milk Drink™”.
• There’s a fun gag about how Han and Sophie are lending out their gross roleplaying sex outfits to their friends to dress up as staff, but it’s not his as hard as it could’ve been.
• There’s a moment where Grammy says: “On top, I like it up on top” [in reference to her hair] and Max responds with “Whoa”-

• -and Dennings actually has to pause to make time for all the raucous laughter that erupt before finishing her line, “Whoa, grammy, keep it PG”
• Sophie puts on accents this episode and it’s the most fun she’s been in a really, really long time. I actually wanted more of it. The line that slayed me: “Pardon me, could you direct me to your . . . Jonathan?”
• The episode ends with Han giving everyone a raise after seeing what staff have to put up with, which is nonsensical because if anything he endures more than absolutely anyone else in the diner on a daily basis.

I’m gonna start by reminding all of you nice people that this show’s creators were paying so little attention to last week’s episode that they didn’t even bother changing the “Current Total” or the “New Total”, features that were once the entire crux of 2 Broke Girls. Once upon a time this show was all about Max and Caroline saving up for something big, and it’s very telling that this once important detail was recently overlooked.

As for this week, well, it’s another one of those episodes. And by “those episodes” I mean that not a lot happens. I was going to add more to that description, but it says it all. At this point the overarching narrative of the season appears to be Sophie and Oleg’s efforts to have a child together, and to that effect they take a significant step forward while the titular characters just live their lives as usual.

This episode focuses somewhat on one of the primary differences between Max and Caroline: the latter’s determination to achieve success with their business and the former’s seeming indifference to that goal. It also features what looks like product placement by Periscope.

All I really know about Periscope is that JP Lambiase of YouTube channel HellthyJunkFood® uses it as a way of getting content to his followers. It appears to be some kind of livestreaming service that people can use on their mobile devices [I didn’t do any more research beyond snagging the image above off of Google], and Caroline is all about using that to strengthen the social media presence of Max’s Homemade Cupcakes.

At this point I have to actively fight the temptation not to simply list out the events of this episode in bullet form. To really boil it down, though, Oleg’s cousin Gortek is in town as he’s signed on to play pro basketball. As a quick side note, Max quips that she thinks her wallet is made out of that stuff. People laughed, but they were all thinking of one thing and one thing only:

Initially Caroline wants to go to some sort of fair or something to promote their business, but ends up going to the game with Max instead. They’re up in the nosebleeds but end up sneaking their way down to the VIP section and passing off popcorn-covered tickets to an usher to get away with it. Caroline Periscopes their experience, inadvertently causing Max to spill beer on the floor. The beer on the court causes players to slip and fall. The girls run away and hide in the locker room. Somehow the guys pouring ice into the tub they’re sitting in don’t see them until they are wet and screaming-

Their definition of “scary cold”.

-and that’s pretty much it.

Oleg’s cousin isn’t so much a character as he is simply a means for the two girls to get the basketball tickets; he doesn’t even really reappear at the game. Max considers inviting Earl, letting her friend and roommate attend the event to do some PR for them, but that’s nixed in a wonderful bit of comedy I’ll mention below. The biggest consequence the girls even face is that they get cold and wet, which, given their shower situation back at the apartment, shouldn’t be a big deal.

On the flipside our favourite Eastern European couple [on 2 Broke Girls] has a little more of an interesting plot as Sophie is planning on selecting the perfect genes for their shared progeny. There are a few gags, with a handful of lines made at the expense of Anne Hathaway’s forehead, but ultimately it all culminates in the last few minutes with Sophie saying that she’s given up on the endeavour. As long as she has a “healthy, happy baby” she’ll be fine. It’s some significant maturation for her, and it’s odd that she gets so much character development when the show’s two leads get . . . well . . . nothing.

As usual my favourite bits of comedy are in the Stray Observations below [amid other lines I considered notable for whatever reason], and there are some pretty great moments. They’re still not enough to buoy a flagging show, however. It remains to be seen where Michael Patrick King and co. are taking us, and when this vehicle is going to start picking up speed.

Current Total: $197.

New Total: $280. I want to note here one more time that last week’s episode left the New Total at $140.00, unchanged from the episode before. They appear to have amended this error. As usual, I have no idea why this amount increased.

The Title Refers To: I initially thought that Earl’s surname might be “Jones” and that he would be playing a much larger part in this episode, but I was wrong. I can’t for the life of me recall a single mention of the name, so this feature is coming up with a big question mark this time around.

Stray Observations:

• Han [after having left Early in charge]: “I’ll be gone for . . twenty.” / Earl: “Speaking of 4/20, Max, do you wanna smoke some weed?”
• Caroline has to tell Max that “PR” stands for “public relations” and not “Puerto Rican.”
• “Your cousin’s in town? That’s weird, I didn’t get an alert on my phone.”
• Earl quips to Gortek- “You look familiar. Didn’t you brave a dragon on Game of Thrones?” -which is strange since confusing him with The Mountain would have been so much better.
• I’m sure it’s been done before, but Oleg and Gortek speaking to each other in Ukrainian about Han, interspersing English words like “jackass boss” and “virgin” is actually incredibly funny. Well done, too.
• “No, you know, I’m sorry; I’m out. Tonight I have to genetically modify a person while I watch The Good Wife.”
• Caroline: “Would it hurt you to ask me to go to the game? You know I’m not going to say yes.” / Max: Do you want to go to the game-“

“YES.”

• “My father got me front row seats in the Inability to Love Awards,” a line met with equal parts laughter and awws.
• “Max, our seats are in a shantytown. I think someone tried to sell me a hubcap on the way up the stairs.”
• “Max, I haven’t been called a rich pig in five years!”
• “Ooh, here comes the nanny.” “Fran Drescher’s here!?“
• “Oh. My. God. This is where the 17th team in the league gets naked!”
• “Oh, you two sick? Stay away from me, I can’t get sick. When you’re 78 it takes about two days to go from sniffles to getting eaten by your cat.”
• Sophie’s tongueless aunt: “Do det what do det and do don’t det updet.”

Captain America Is Old, Long Live Captain America

In July of 2014 it was announced on The Colbert Report that a momentous event would be occurring in the Marvel universe. The blonde, blue-eyed Steve Rogers would be stepping down as Captain America due to rapidly aging, with the mantle passing on to his partner [not sidekick] Sam Wilson aka The Falcon. As is typical for the industry the cover for Captain America #25, in which the event takes place, promised some level of mystery with a white silhouette asking readers to guess who it would be.

Captain America #25 (Vol. 7). Written by Rick Remender, illustrated by Carlos Pacheco.

As Sam himself states in the splash page on the right [I realize that the text is far too small for you to read]:

“You guys all knew it was me, didn’t you?

There’s literally no drama left in this reveal.”

The words are particularly tongue in cheek, with the writer himself acknowledging that even without the announcement on national TV it had always been fairly obvious who would be the next character to bear the shield. Captain America and The Falcon had been compatriots since the late 60s [even sharing a title], so there were few more deserving individuals than Samuel “Snap” Wilson.

Now I was, and still am, all about this. To have as high profile a role as Captain America, a title that represents an entire nation, be given to a Black man is enormous. I’d also always been a fan of Sam as The Falcon. I added the title to my pull-list immediately.

I’ll Justify the Title, But First, This Week’s Events and a Rough Thesis

Now just this past Tuesday, roughly a year and a half after the original announcement, Marvel released the news that Steve Rogers would be returning as the ol’ Shield-Slinger.

This isn’t to say that the book on the left, Captain America: Steve Rogers, would be replacing the currently running Captain America: Sam Wilson. Instead the publisher’s plan is to release both side by side. They will also be penned by the same writer, Nick Spencer, a move which there has been plenty of precedent for [Jonathan Hickman on both Avengers  Avengers and New Avengers, Brian Michael Bendis on All-New X-Men and Uncanny X-Men, etc.]. Oftentimes both titles will act as separate halves of a larger story, though that hasn’t been confirmed in this case.

This announcement was met with a similar lack of surprise across the internet, largely because Captain America: Steve Rogers coincides with the release of the summer blockbuster Captain America: Civil War. A number of changes have been made to the comic books to have them fall more in line with what happens up on the big screen, and slapping an “A” back on the forehead of the face most of the world knows and loves is generally seen as a solid business move.

Now I am fully aware of how incendiary the title of this blog post is, and hope to justify it by explaining how the existence of two Captain Americas is not similar to the same being true of other heroes, with the reason for that largely being founded in the character’s recent publication history. It’s in the exploration of that latter point that I truly hope to rationalize the words “character assassination.”

As with every article I write, I’ve done my best to make this accessible to both those who do and do not regularly enjoy comic books. If you have any further questions please don’t hesitate to drop me a line in the comments far below.

When Two of a Kind is Good For You, Not For Me

As mentioned up above it’s become a recent trend for Marvel to replace longstanding characters with new or different characters. Similar to what will be taking place with two Captain Americas, a number of these examples also feature both New^© and Classic^© varieties existing and bearing the moniker within the same world. I want to break down two recent examples, paying particular attention to how they’ve been written.

Most of the world knows Hawkeye as Clint Barton, played by Jeremy Renner in the excessively popular Avengers movies. Unbeknownst to most non-comic readers another character owns the mantle, a young woman named Katherine “Kate” Bishop.

Kate has been Hawkeye in not one, but two volumes of Young Avengers, which combined number over two dozen issues. Much more importantly, however, she was co-lead in the Hawkeye book written by Matt Fraction [a title I’ve spotlit in the distant past].

Hawkeye #2 (Vol. 4). Written by Matt Fraction, illustrated by David Aja.

In many ways she was presented as a direct contrast to Clint’s tire fire of a life, proving to be competent and aware when he often wasn’t. Perhaps even more notably, however, later issues split up the duo, and the installments she led solo revealed that Kate tended to make just as many mistakes as he did. While she began her career in superheroics as part of a group of teenagers living in the shadows of giants she’s come a long way to standing on very equal footing with her namesake. Kate currently continues to star alongside OG Hawkeye in All-New Hawkeye.

The eighth blog post I ever wrote for this site was about Miles Morales, aka Spider-Man. To boil a sizable chunk of comic book history down, he existed in an alternate universe where Peter Parker died, and role was open and waiting to be filled. Recent shenanigans in Marvel’s largest [and arguably most successful] line-wide event resulted in him being transplanted into the primary universe.

Secret Wars #9 (Vol. 2). Written by Jonathan Hickman, illustrated by Esad Ribic.

What’s particularly important to mention is how much time was devoted to Miles getting the hang of things [pun 100% intended]. After his universe’s Peter Parker passed away Ultimate Spider-Man came to an end after 160 issues it was relaunched as Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man [28 issues] with this new character as lead. This was followed by Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man [12 issues]. It should also be mentioned that he was a part of the ensemble book All-New Ultimates [12 issues] as well as appearing in other titles from time to time.

The real icing on the cake is that next month marks the debut of him starring in Spider-Man, a title unadorned by adjectives or qualifiers. It’s worth noting that he will be doing the vast majority of his superhero work in New York City, while Peter Parkers [over in The Amazing Spider-Man] is doing a lot more jetsetting while fighting crime on an international scale.

Both Hawkeye and Spider-Man, Kate Bishop and Miles Morales, have been given ample time to try out their respective masks and tools of the trade and get comfortable. It’s in that same way that readers have been able to become comfortable with them bearing the name, and indeed many comic book readers have no problem with them occupying the same general space as their predecessors.

What’s most important is whether they’ve been given the chance to be known as characters and as people in these roles, and arguably both have. A larger number of issues is certainly a contributing factor, as more time inevitably leads to more stories, but all it takes is one well-written run [see: Fraction’s Hawkeye] to cement that personality and fresh direction. While it’s fortunate that Miles and Kate both succeed in this regard, they only serve as examples of what Sam Wilson has been unable to do.

Sam Wilson: The _____ Known As Captain America

Given my love for the character I’ve read almost every appearance of Sam Wilson as Captain America, and it wasn’t until the announced return of Steve Rogers that I realized just how poorly Sam has been treated while donning the red, white, and blue. What follows are the character’s appearances up to to this point in time, and what’s notable about them.

All-New Captain America [2015]: Written by Rick Remender, who penned the preceding Steve Rogers-led Captain America that led to this new status quo, this title only ran a total of six issues before it ended to make way for the upcoming Secret Wars [that’s a long, complicated story]. Remender took great care in beginning every issue with a flashback that helped build up who Sam is, whether as the son of a pastor or merely a person who dreams of fatherhood. While Stuart Immonen’s inks were a definitive high point for many, as far as the narrative is concerned the focus was largely centred on this new Captain America having to live up to the immensity of the legacy he became a part of.

Captain America and the Mighty Avengers [2015]: Lasting slightly longer than the other two books it ran alongside, writer Al Ewing’s goal was very different. A continuation of his Mighty Avengers, this book had always been more “The Luke Cage Show”, with an explicit emphasis on classism. While quite good overall, one of the most notable observations made about Sam Wilson was that, due to a line-wide event that inverted morality, he spent his second and third issues evil. Only having run a total of eight issues that means he spent 1/4 of this title being more dastardly than your average villain, advocating everything from totalitarianism to anti-mutant bigotry.

Uncanny Avengers #4 (Vol. 2). Written by Rick Remender, illustrated by Daniel Acuña.

Uncanny Avengers [2015]: The second volume of a book starring the Avengers Unity Division, formed as a means to help improve human-mutant relations, this run only lasted a paltry five issues. Given that your average single issue is about 20 pages of story, that tops out at around 100 pages. Having just picked up my trade paperback to make sure, Sam Wilson appears for a grand total of 13 pages, in four of which he is a tree person. Yes, you read that right. I’m not even going to provide any context, since he honestly plays such a small, next-to-infinitesimal role in the actual events of the book itself, but what you get is what you get.

Captain America: Sam Wilson [2015-Present]: Under Nick Spencer’s direction this book has garnered a lot of attention, most of it positive, largely due to the men and women of Fox & Friends lambasting it for being “too political”. While the writer’s approach to what a man wearing his nation’s colours to battle evil is a refreshing one, at the time of this writing we’re only five issues deep, and for three of them Sam has been a wolfman. A clear throwback to Captain America #402, where the same happened to Steve Rogers, these issues have also featured a lot of our hero being rescued by fellow crimefighter Misty Knight, pictured on the cover on the left.

Sam also continues to appear in All New, All-Different Avengers [2016] as Captain America, but with only three issues published so far there’s not enough out for me to comment on, ill or otherwise.

With all of that being said, having prominently featured in four books and starring in two, Sam Wilson as Captain America has been evil, an actual ent, and a werewolf, respectively. With the latter two in particular a conversation about the Black body is raised [discussed in-depth about the superhero Cyborg here]. Race has been a long and troubled road in America, and due primarily to slavery Black bodies have often been viewed as being less than human at worst, and as property at best. These two examples of Sam Wilson having been transformed draw a particular parallel to Disney’s The Princess and the Frog in which Tiana, the film’s titular heroine, spends the vast majority of the film as an amphibian. In what contexts is our hero present, and at such a time that they are, when are they simply allowed to be Black? Even more than that, when are they allowed to just be a hero?

C’mon, Man, It’s Just Comic Books

With Sam Wilson’s publication history as Captain America having been wrapped up, the question is where it leaves us, or why it matters at all. Has his character truly been maligned, and is Marvel Comics actually guilty of abject racism? Aren’t all of these issues [no pun intended] par for the course as far as superhero comics, a medium that lists the bizarre as one of its primary characteristics, is concerned?

As far as outright racism, no, I don’t believe either the writers or editors responsible for these stories suffer from that form of biogotry. That being said, there needs to be particular attention paid to what narratives are being told, and how often. As mentioned, Steve Rogers became “Capwolf” after over 400 issues had already taken place. These weirder events can, and do, take place after a character has been more firmly established. Maybe a writer could explore what it means for Sam Wilson to be a Black man wearing an American flag before we get to what a lycanthrope might experience in the same situation [though it’s not like the latter hasn’t already been covered by the eighth episode of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt] –

Titus Andromedon: “I’ve decided to live as a werewolf. It’s so much easier than being an African-American man!”

The fact is that Peter Parker didn’t start out as Spider-Man and then suddenly get replaced by a “superior” version of himself; that change took 700 issues. Not only that, but the change was exceptionally well-received, by yours truly included. I’m not advocating for less weirdness in comic books, I’m calling for the people in charge to give us more time to enjoy Sam Wilson Captain America New^© before they start to tweak the flavour. And more importantly, before-

The “Real” Captain America Returns, Now What?

Given that it took me until Saturday to fully compile my thoughts and research this post, it’s no surprise that three days ago over at ComicsAlliance Andrew Wheeler covered the announcement with an air of disappointment similar to mine. The editor of that site states that although the two Captain America books will be released concurrently-

“It’s still hard to escape the impression that Sam’s being pushed to the side a bit. He can still be a Captain America, but it’ll become much harder to argue that he’s ‘the’ Captain America.”

He also made an insightful observation regarding the announcement copy, which ends with the words:

“There is only one man who can challenge the threat of Hydra – Captain America himself – Steve Rogers!”

While Wheeler simply notes that this doesn’t really help the assertion that Sam Wilson is “The” Captain America, I want to add that it’s particularly troubling when taking into account that all six issues of All-New Captain America had him facing off against that very threat. Are we now supposed to believe that his doing so wasn’t a challenge to the nefarious organization? Why is this solely a problem that Steve can tackle, but not Sam?

The Captain America title has never sold exceptionally well, and now comic book readers everywhere will have to decide which book they’d rather spend their $3.99 on [the actual price has yet to be announced]. Many have found that rather than spend more money on new books they will instead simply drop the titles they’re enjoying least. While it should be noted that Steve has not asked for his shield back, instead opting to heft another that harkens back to the first he carried-

-simply using the original piece of armour likely won’t be enough for Sam Wilson to win out over his predecessor and longtime partner. Not with a publication history like he’s had up to this point. While sales for all comics are expected to flag with each consecutive issue, this kind of direct competition feels like a nail in the coffin.

With a blockbuster film on the horizon and his 75th anniversary on the horizon it makes sense that Steve Rogers receive the spotlight, and rightfully so. That said my fear, and it remains to be seen if it pans out or not, is that much of the attention he receives will result in an equal amount taken away from Sam Wilson. It’s not that I don’t think the Marvel universe is too small for two Captain Americas, it’s that at this point one’s too big ignore, with the other just small enough to be forgotten.

Let me start by saying that it’s about time. I’m not sure how many 2 Broke Girls viewers realize this, but Garrett Morris was an original SNL cast member. With that in mind it’s almost shocking how little the show has decided to do with Earl. On a typical episode I can count all of his lines on one hand, and by the time the twenty-something minutes are up I still have a few fingers left over.

“The Sax Problem” that’s of concern this week is strictly Earl’s, and in much the same way Sophie and Oleg got the most character development in “And the Basketball Jones” last Wednesday he takes centre stage [no pun intended]. Given how often Morris has been relegated to the sidelines I was actually apprehensive about how he would do being given so much heavy lifting, but I never should have doubted him.

There are a few cracks made here and there about Earl’s age, which is pretty par for the course, but for once he’s not just an extremely old father figure of Max’s. It’s revealed that he used to be a part of a jazz band, The Early Birds, and that they’re going to be playing an anniversary show at a bar called Ruby’s. The first conflict and complication is the titular owner of said establishment, who didn’t invite him due to his having cheated on her with her sister.

Max and Caroline are able to talk Ruby down pretty effortlessly, and also solve the next problem: his not owning a saxophone. It’s the third issue that they appear to handle, but that is in fact 100% Earl.

Somewhat understandable for a man who hasn’t played a show in decades, he gets stage fright. Mores specifically, his performance anxiety stems from the fact that he used to perform high, and he hasn’t hit the hard stuff [heroin, in this case] in 30 years. Soon after this harsh realization dawns on him he escapes to the bathroom where he camps out for, as far as the show tells us, an uncomfortable amount of time.

While it’s Caroline stalling that inevitably brings him up on stage, what the show glosses over [apart from an offhand remark] is that the decision not to shoot up smack is entirely his own. Sure, the girls do their best to check up on him, but they never tell him to stay away from the junk. He returns from his conspicuous absence completely sober. Ultimately this episode nestles the story of one man’s commitment to staying clean within the confines of a TV show that leans pretty heavily on the comedy of a White girl scatting. Considering the material that he’s given Morris gives his performance 110%, and hopefully this is a sign of much more to come.

The tale of Sophie and Oleg’s struggle to conceive chugs steadily along, with fertility drugs being their latest effort to get a bun in her oven. A syringe of the stuff appears to be the show’s motivation for showcasing that route, with the prop obviously being mistaken for heroin. I should probably take the time to mention that this is some pretty dark subject matter, all things considering. Weed jokes get thrown around a lot, by Earl in particular, but actually quipping about heroin with a syringe on screen can get uncomfortable.

Lastly, and possibly leastly, near the end of the episode Caroline tells Max that she’s beginning to feel like she’ll never get the chance to do what she’s best at. While it’s always good to be reminded of their dream deferred, it’s also a reminder that we haven’t seen them work on that in weeks. They can talk about what they hope for all they want, but it would be nice to see them actually do something about it.

Current Total: $280.

New Total: $80. I’m actually pretty thrilled that there’s an obvious reason for the subtraction this time around. The $200 obviously went towards the “cheap sax” that Max found for Earl.

The Title Refers To: Earl’s problems regarding playing his saxophone sober in front of an audience.

Stray Observations:

• To start on an extremely high note, this is one of the best cold opens they’ve ever done. Caroline delivers a very special dessert [to the wrong couple] and Beth Behrs plays it extremely well-

• -that being said, these Stray Observations are like 80% pretty decent lines.
• “Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you. I know I said I was cool with waiting but I wasn’t cool with it!“
• Max and Earl’s joint suicide pact: they smoke a joint and then kill themselves
• “Look out PTA meetings! I’ll bring the ‘P’, she’ll bring the ‘T&A.'”
• “Ah, this is a little awkward. But Sophie, I was unaware I’d be injecting your badonkadonk.”
• “Now there’s a heartwarming tableau that Norman Rockwell somehow missed.”
• “You always go straight to dead, Max. But thanks for sending the paramedic, I needed help finding my Apple TV remote.”
• “I just have to ask, you do think we’re going to get out of here one day?” / “Oh sure. In body bags.”
• Particularly notable: Jackée Harry’s Ruby is the only character besides Sophie to receive “whoos” upon entering a scene.
• “There’s only one old woman who scares me and his name is Steven Tyler.”
• “Hold my hoops!”
• “Earl, you played with Ella Fitzgerald?” / “It’s possible. Or else I talked to that picture. I did a lot of drugs.”
• “You know when someone else says something stupid but you’re embarrassed?” Too meta for me, Oleg.
• “Dammit, have I been living on the subway a-gain?”
• Beth Behrs does a pretty good rendition of “God Bless the Child”, but Garrett Morris doesn’t fake playing the saxophone very well for someone who studied at Juilliard.

Look, friendship is hard. I know that as well as anyone. In spite of the interconnectedness that allows you to read these words I’m penning in my North York basement apartment from anywhere in the world, the fact is that many of my peers find it hard to create meaningful relationships [just type “millennial” alongside some iteration of “lonely” into Google and see what comes up]. With that in mind it’s nice to see an episode focus on a problem so many people struggle with.

In particular the issue of starting friendships from scratch, in your twenties, is a daunting one. Compared to the kids you went to college with how strong is your foundation, really? It’s a question Caroline asks herself when Becky White [Diona Reasonover], a girl from Max’s past, arrives at the window to their cupcake store.Things get predictably more complicated when Becky invites Max out to drinks, pointedly ignoring Caroline, and Max skips out without much thought to her roommate. It’s uncomfortably real world for 2 Broke Girls, and many of us can empathize with feeling like you’re on the outside looking in.

To continue focusing on what I think is the strongest aspect of this episode, Caroline then attempts, out of very apparent jealousy, to make her own friends. What’s unfortunate is that her search is cut painfully short, with her jump straight into chummying up to patrons of the diner paying off almost immediately.

Honestly, I should’ve guessed that her falling in so quickly with Rachael and Cathy [Kathy?] was evidence that she was in fact being groomed to join a cult. I mean, the header image I put together showcases an extremely cult-like gathering. And really, while the entire plot surrounding Caroline and Max resisting indoctrination into an unnamed sect is amusing, it’s nowhere near as compelling as what I had just been discussing.

Yes, Mo Gaffney’s maternal cult leader Elaine is suitably off-putting, especially in how the audience appears to be just as enamoured with her as her followers [see the Stray Observations below], but her group is just a little too generically creepy. When it’s revealed that everyone at the mountain retreat they’ve gone to will more or less be required to have sex with her the entire thing becomes a wash. There’s a more engaging narrative out there where Caroline is actually tempted to join a cult and be a part of something bigger and greater, pushed away by a perceived betrayal on Max’s part, but that can’t be found anywhere here.

When the two girls are ultimately rescued by Oleg and Sophie, who Max texted to rescue them if anything went wrong, it’s just after an emotional beat that feels slightly unearned due to the diversion with the cult. To be fair it may lead to more potential conflict between the two, since Caroline’s question-

“Max, are you and I going to be like you and Becky one day?”

-and admission of-

“Am I going to be some waitress you used to know, because that would kill me.”

-are essentially pushed aside when the Eastern European couple drives up to them. Again, the insecurity and anxiety felt in platonic relationships hasn’t been nearly as explored as it could be, and they missed the chance to really delve into that. Chances are that with Becky’s one-off appearance here it’ll be some time before this particular facet of their friendship can be explored, but you never know. Here’s hoping.

Current Total: $80.

New Total: $80. So when Max and Caroline decided to leave Elaine tells them that only “friends” enjoy the free trip, and they will thus be charged. This sounds like a very real thing that happens to me, and in the end they escape after Max offers her body as “nature’s credit card”, only to be refused in disgust. It was a definite opportunity to tap back into their being, well, “2 Broke Girls”, debt and all. As it stands they neither earned or lost anything in this episode.

The Title Refers To: No new friends for Max or Caroline.

Stray Observations:

• The cold open this week was all about smart phones and the disconnect they can create, which is a fun tangential connection to the topic of friendship. It did make me wonder how Max and Caroline could afford smartphones, though.
• “Now you have one? Earl- three months ago you thought T-Mobil was a rapper.”
• “Max, I did not think you would still be alive. I owe you $10.”
• Max typically introduces Caroline as Paris Hilton’s slower cousin Randy.
• “Nice meeting you Brandy-” / “It’s Randy!”
• “So did you guys have fun tonight, or did you two grow apart-“
• “Fun, it’s so fun that you had fun.”
• “Guess what I’m doing?” / “Motivating me to look at resumes on Monster.com?”
• “Max, how’s this for my friend-making smile?” / “Do you have more teeth than me?”
• “The Yelp review specifically said I would be ignored by the wait staff.”
• “I’ve seen people with podcasts less desperate for approval.”
• “Yeah, the last invitation we got was to audition for porn.”
• So Elaine was dropping lines like-

“I’m so glad you all could make it. Oh, except Jerry. He’s getting Lasik. He should’ve listened, I told him to eat more kale. Kale is good for the eyes!”

• -and the audience was eating it up. It was really bizarre, but helped play up the idea that she was a charismatic person who could draw people to her.
• “Everyone gather round. Let’s have some mutual eye contact.”
• Elaine’s cult’s mantra: “My best is my best and that’s why I”m blessed.”
• Lady Marmalade is a dog with both seasonal depression and fibromyalgia.
• “And do not fear, before the night is over each of you will have the chance to make love with me.”
• “Ah, I’m sorry it took me so long to climax. I know I was ‘almost there’ for quite some time.”
• Max ate $700 worth of shrimp. Surprising no one, least of all her.
• Sophie was once in a cult called “Avon”.

Midway through its fifth season and 2 Broke Girls has finally done it; Max and Caroline, and consequently the show itself, now have a brand new direction. Ever since Season 4 ended with them remembering their dream of owning and running their own cupcake business things have been pretty shaky, narratively. For the most part the two girls have just been killing time, not even really trying to make any extra money.

The best part about the apparent arc they’re going to be starting on come next week’s episode is how far out of left field it is. It doesn’t have anything to do with raising a certain amount of money and isn’t connected to their cupcake business at all. No, this is a fresh, surprising take, and one I’ll get to after I go through the usual recap.

Just this past month I saw through Facebook that a friend of mine was attending an event called “Grownups Read Things They Wrote as Kids Toronto” which is, after further research, exactly what it sounds like. Upon mentioning it to yet another friend they recommended the documentary Mortified Nation [which you can find on Netflix] which is essentially the same thing on a much larger scale. It was the first I had ever heard about this deeply personal form of entertainment, though to be fair I haven’t heard of most things.

Mortified Nation came out in 2013, so it’s no real surprise that 2 Broke Girls began to tap into this particular brand of live performance [especially taking into consideration how long it took them to cover escape rooms]. That being said, it actually leads to some of the most entertaining moments of this episode.

It all begins with Caroline being asked out to see a “storytelling show” where men and women share their childhood experiences to an audience. Her date, Adam [Miles Fisher] is the first performer we get to see, and he is, well-

“Rachel Mooney, a popular girl, pulled down my pants. That’s right, I got dance-pantsed!”

-he’s bad and he should feel bad. Max ends up tagging along, which sets the two of them back $40. When Adam ends up flaking on the rest of their date, ostensibly only asking her out to put more bodies in seats for his part of the show, Max begins recounting how much more terrible Caroline’s life is when the emcee tunes in and asks that she share her life story.

It’s $50, so of course they spring for it.

After the woman before her wraps up her story-

“And, after it was all said and done, I looked at my vagina. And my vagina looked at me. And we shared a knowing glance. It was as if she was giving me permission to tell her story.”

-while also allowing us a beautiful panning shot that exhibits the entire cast’s reactions, it’s time for Caroline to take the stage. It’s here where the extremely small conflict presents itself. Due to the young Ms. Channing living such a truly horrific life [it’s not that bad, but anyway] her story is a gigantic bummer. Max helps her lighten the whole piece by interspersing jokes, and standing behind the mic Caroline has to decided whether or not to include them.

There’s a brief moment, pre-cringe, when you think she’s actually going to use her roommate’s material, but thankfully it never happens. While her attempting comedy and ultimately bombing this show may have had more entertainment value, 2 Broke Girls ultimately opts for a more sincere and genuinely touching moment, which is actually a move I can’t fault them for. The writers’ room has gotten a lot of comedic mileage out of Beth Behrs’ ability to botch anything to great effect, but here they allow Caroline to have a win for once.

I’m also never going to complain anytime Max gets shushed.

While it’s expected that the live audience be moved by her tale, the rest of the cast is likewise impressed. Not only that, but so is Nina Spiegel, a studio exec for Warner Bros. who believes that her story could actually become a feature length film.

Max helping Caroline with her story, and perhaps even wanting to be a part of her performance, never ends up being addressed well. That said, when Caroline is to be flown out to Hollywood in first class she trades in her ticket for two in coach, asking her best friend to join her. Just because they couldn’t tell a story together doesn’t mean that they’re not going to try to keep moving through life side by side. It’s a really exciting turn of events, and even if the end up back in the Williamsburg Diner by the end of next week’s episode they’ll still have been offered another opportunity at success. Things will have changed for them, and will hopefully affect the rest of this season.

As for Sophie and Oleg, due to not being able to conceive [not for lack of trying] and failing to find a suitable surrogate mother for a paltry $200, they’ve decided to adopt. It’s been legitimately interesting watching their attempts to become parents, and having them turn to this option is another pleasant surprise.

Current Total: $380.

New Total: $390. $40 for both of them at their first show, with Caroline earning $50 for her performance, accounts for the $10 bump. What it doesn’t take into account, however, are the drinks they had. Though maybe those were included with the price of entry, which I sort of doubt given the kind of gig it was.

The Title Refers To: Storytelling shows. They’re all the rage now, really.

Stray Observations:

• I don’t for a second believe that Max has never hit a kid.
• Earl has his own methods when it comes to refusing to donate to charity: “I’m sorry, I have diabetes. And I’m not stupid. Move it along.”
• Caroline on “dry shopping”: “Why not buy one Apple Watch when I can not buy two?”
• “My mom drank so much with me inside that I was born wearing a shirt saying ‘It’s Five O’Clock somewhere.'”
• “Can we all just admit that vaping is smoking!?”
• “You live our stories that we live to hear.” Yeah, everything about the show just oozes with cheese.
• “Well I know that I’m entitled to my truths, and how my truths make me feel.” Just the kind of postmodern thinking that my co-writer Gordon loathes so much.
• The emcee works for Avis at his day job: “Remember, you have a story to tell. And sometimes renting a car is cheaper than a long-term lease.”
• Han really thought that his appearance on the Brooklyn Small Business podcast had paid off in a big way.
• “Sorry, I was watching a YouTube video on how to make spaghetti. Boy, I was way off.” Favourite line of the night.
• “Pregnant 12 times? It must be like saloon doors down there.”
• “Which one says, ‘Just because I’m at my bottom doesn’t mean I can’t wear a nice top’?”
• “You don’t forget the day that you lose yourself.”
• “Caroline, I know you said you never would, but you touched me.”
• “I think sometimes people like to be sad. That’s why there’s Adele.” If Max had just watched Inside Out she would’ve known this.
• “The Caroline Channing story deserves to live on the big screen for 1-2 weeks. Then on-demand for eternity.”
• Oleg makes Sophie consolation gnocchi for not being able to find someone to get gnocched up.
• “You can’t pass up a meet ‘n’ greet! You can’t pass up any kind of meat, you’re anemic!”

The multi-cam sitcom isn’t exactly at the peak of its popularity right now, The Big Bang Theory reaching its 200th episode being a pretty extreme outlier. If you watch TV regularly at all you’ll have noticed that more and more sitcoms are trying to be the next, say, Community, as opposed to a worthy successor to How I Met Your Mother. A big part of that has to do with this older format being seen as looking cheaper, and that’s particularly true when it comes to a change in setting.

Not counting Max and Caroline’s spur-of-the-moment jaunt to Paris, which was completely off-camera, there has been at least one instance where the girls have left Brooklyn in a noticeable way. Honestly, it’s hard to forget that lambo sitting on the beach–

-because it was a legitimately great set. I mean, they had sand. It more than stands up to a lot of the exterior shots of Ted Mosby and co. exiting McLaren’s, or getting into hijinks in front of a brownstone. The unfortunate thing is that their other excursions don’t live up to that standard.

Sure, just three episodes ago Max and Caroline walked through a forest, but on the whole a change of setting doesn’t really mean anything exciting. Typically a trip to a cabin in the woods means just the cabin, or having Rhode Island mostly be cheap hotel rooms and high school classrooms. While last week’s episode had me very excited to see the duo hit LA I knew at the time that we wouldn’t be regaled with shots of them driving past palm trees with the top down. It would’ve been nice, though.

Instead 2 Broke Girls provides us with three new sets: a hotel room, hotel bar/restaurant, and a Hollywood exec’s office. I’m not saying that the production crew needed to really glam it up, but a little glam, maybe? At the very least hiring a Johnny Depp impersonator to make a brief cameo appearance as opposed to just name-dropping the actor would have been cool, and pretty cost-effective.

While Caroline is in Hollywood to try to get her movie off the ground Max is . . . just there. They both meet Lawrence,

who I’m sure we’ll see more of soon. Max also bumps into Randy [Ed Quinn], and the two of them end up doing what consenting adults sometimes do. The big conflict in this episode revolves around Perry [Chris Williams], who owns the office I mentioned up above. He’s not actually all that interested in the proposed film, and Max ends up reacting to this as she does to most things.

That’s “not how you do things in Hollywood”, and it looks like she may have torpedoed Caroline’s chances at having her life story up on the silver screen. That is until Randy steps in and, as Perry’s lawyer, convinces the film exec to pay them a little more attention. It’s all very neat, but does introduce the idea that this guy wants to be there for Max, which is a relief to her given how interested she had been in him dropping her a line.

Even more interesting than Max’s new beau, which I don’t see lasting longer than a few episodes, is how the writers’ room was able to avoid the entire show revolving around the titular duo while they’re away. A hasty conversation over the phone about having her future child look like her causes Sophie to flip-flop on her decision last week to adopt, and suddenly she’s back to wanting to do things the traditional way, opting to go to a healer based in LA. I definitely feel a little betrayed given how I gave the show props for going this route, but it does make sense. 2 Broke Girls has invested too much in its other cast members to simply jettison them for two or more episodes, and even had the cold open set in the diner instead of just starting things off on the west coast. They can send Max and Caroline away, but they can’t ditch the whole crew.

In the end this sitcom seems invested in following the Hollywood arc for at least a little while longer. I’m not confident that it’ll be the springboard out of poverty they’re ostensibly looking for, but I don’t think they’re bound to find one before the last season’s finale. At the very least things are more interesting than they’ve ever been, and I look forward to seeing if the film is ever greenlit, and if the rest of the gang at the Williamsburg Diner make their way over to sunny Los Angeles.

Current Total: $390.

New Total: $390. When they said “all expenses paid” it looks like they meant it.

The Title Refers To: Oh, right. Max’s baggage is lost, but it ultimately contributes nothing whatsoever to the plot. She gets it back a little later on.

Stray Observations:

• “Ha, I knew you two weren’t going to LA! I knew you were just pulling my chain!” Oh Han, ye of little faith. And no, that wasn’t a short joke.
• Also Max registered Han as a sex offender at city hall which is pretty messed up.
• “This is so sweet! Is that why they call it that?” That’s some live-action-Disney-show-level humour right there.
• “These are the only 12 steps anyone’s ever gonna get me to take.”
• “You were supposed to be in a room with two queens. Well, three if I was in it.” Oh, Lawrence. You card.
• “Look, not everyone in this hotel is gay. But Claude is hands-down-ma’-pants the gayest.”
• “Can I buy you a drink? [. . . ] A house?” Randy is rich.
• “It’s not the agency. I called to talk to Max and got Caroline’s My Life Doesn’t Suck Anymore podcast.”
• Alongside Lawrence this episode also features Quan [Nikki Tuazon], Perry’s disdainful receptionist. Two [additional to Han] Asians in an episode of 2 Broke Girls without any jokes relying on racial stereotypes. I’m calling that a plus in my book.
• “Absolutely, set in stone! We’re so excited.”
• Nina, who is Caroline’s agent of sorts, tells her that “You need to look broke. Busted. Discarded from society.” Which is fair, because you would never think she was living below the poverty level at first glance.
• “Maybe she’ll smooth everything over. Like everyone does here with their faces.”
• “Perry, what’s happening here, why is there bread on your table-“
• “I didn’t want to come on too strong. Should I not have taken dating advice from David Spade?”
• “Hey, we got a lady that looks like you back at home.”
• Unforunately Lawrence is unable to land the part of “a Filipino gay general manager of a hotel who used to be straight.” Guy just can’t catch a break.
• I’m really regretting shelving my “Pop Culture Put-Downs” feature [first seen here] because this episode was rife with them. Among the many dissed celebs there were mentions of: John Travolta, Keira Knightley, Kevin Hart, and Shannon Doherty.

Have you ever watched an episode of 2 Broke Girls and thought to yourself, “That episode ended too soon”? The latest installment of Max and Caroline’s Hollywood adventures continues this week, and somehow manages to feel much shorter than its 21-minute runtime.

A large part of that is because the show largely eschews showing for telling, with two big moments taking place entirely off camera and only referenced after the fact. While this can be effective, the result is ultimately more confusing than anything else. For sitcoms the primary goal is to make your viewers laugh, but the second priority of telling a good story comes swiftly behind that. A lack of emphasis on that aspect is what leads to viewers being confused as to whether or not a love interest has been written out or not.The Caroline Channing film is still well on its way to actually existing, and it’s time that screenwriters entered the picture. I’ll openly admit that I don’t know much about how Hollywood works, and so was unsure if the aforementioned screenwriters typically meet up with the men and women that biopics are about beforehand. Either way, apart from the wonderfully bubbly Leslie [Alison Rich, who unfortunately doesn’t appear again] the primary takeaway from their meeting with Caroline is that Max’s character won’t be in the film.

There’s actually a fair amount of complexity surrounding this conflict, with Max initially miffed she’s asked not to be present for the discussion and later having to accept that she’s been cut out of the story. Her primary outlet for keeping her mind off of all this is Randy, who she’s still seeing, and auditioning for The Price is Right. She’s never been one to stick around when she’s not wanted [that’s why she “hightailed it out of [her] mother’s womb”], but also doesn’t want to drag her friend down.

On the other side of things Caroline has to be as easy to work with as possible to ensure her film is made while also coping with the fact that Max is spending far more time with Randy than with her. There’s also the addition of Bob, a Hollywood relic that Max’s sort-of-boyfriend [they’re not putting labels on it] sets her up with. The audiences’s reaction to seeing George Hamilton [who?] on-stage was pretty telling as far as who the show’s primary demographic is.

Sophie is also still around, appearing onstage to particularly energetic whoops, while the diner continues to chug along, more or less, without its only two waitresses.

The first big event that takes place completely off-camera is Caroline’s wild night out with Bob in Vegas, during which he “lost $50,000 and somehow Faye Dunaway’s Oscar.” This is a perfect example of when a single camera format would have worked wonders, with a quick cutaway to their raucous evening that isn’t possible when filming before a live studio audience. The inclusion of that gag certainly isn’t necessary, but it would’ve been nice to have any kind of lead-in to it happening.

While in Vegas Bob imparts his centuries of wisdom [they make a lot of old jokes this episode] to Caroline, which has the effect of her running to find Max, who has just been picked out for The Price is Right. She asks her best friend to step away from a chance to star on a gameshow and instead help argue for her inclusion on the film. It’s one of those classic “Max and Caroline are friends!” moments, and leads up to the next scene the audience doesn’t get to see.

The follow-up meeting with the screenwriters is likewise skipped over, which is a lot more fine, what with the vastly less entertainment to mine from it. Max thanks Caroline for fighting to keep her in the movie and her life and things wrap up. Both scenes being excised is a big part of what makes it feel like the episode is short for time, as well as the weird resolution to Bob [he leaves on a helicopter and Caroline cries out after him, because of course] and lack of resolution for Randy, who ostensibly will be back around next week. This week actually had a far better narrative structure than most, and kept me engaged with what was going on, but ended up feeling rushed for whatever reason.

Current Total: $390.

New Total: $390. See my “all expenses paid” comment in my last review.

The Title Refers To: An exchange between Bob and Caroline:

“I don’t need fake friends, I have Max.”

“That’s what Wesley Snipes said about Jane Fonda.”

“They’re not friends.”

“You bet your ass they’re not.”

It’s a really weird line to title this episode with, at least in my opinion.

Stray Observations:

• No Lawrence in this episode, but there’s honestly no room for him.
• “I just wanna tell Earl about the pot sitch out here. He’ll think it’s high-larious.” Groan.
• I really want to know if they got a stunt double for Caroline’s fall-

• “Max, you’re going out with Randy again? I’ve barely seen you since we got here. And I’ve seen David Schwimmer four times.”
• “Writers are actors who gave up, so, they’re allowed to eat.”
• “That’s so unprofessional.” / “Right, like I’m the one who has to stay 500 feet away from Fred Savage.” Leslie and Jason, the other screenwriter, have fun.
• “I have an appointment to stand in line for a little thing called Price is Right. Y’ever heard of it? [laughs] You know you have-” Arguably one of the best line-readings Kat Dennings has ever done on the show.
• JLaw wants to play Caroline in what’s sure to be a brave “no makeup role”.
• Cue the old jokes-
• “I think that’s the very first Bob.”
• “If me and Randy are May-December you two are May-dead.”
• “I’m not gonna sleep with God’s college roommate to get ahead in Hollywood!”
• “That man sure knows how to make an exit. Not from life, but, from everything else-“
• “We’ve got a lot of 12-year-old boys playing sick at home, how long can you two jump up and down?” The Price is Right producer knows her audience.
• “Carpool and . . . fluffernutter . . . because soccer, right?” Sophie’s attempts to act like a stay-at-home mom from the Midwest.
• I actually found the cutaways to the diner a lot of fun, as Max left a series of Home Alone-style traps in Han’s office, “each one more fiendishly clever than the last.”

I read Harry Potter.

Liked it.

Didn’t love it.

Which puts me in perhaps one of the smallest minorities on the planet, between folks who’ve been struck by lightning multiple times and folks named “Craig Craigerson”.

Now I, like many, was enthralled at first. Tore through ’em at a lightning pace. But as the series wore on, I found myself drifting away from it. Certain issues I’d have been more willing to forgive as a kid just didn’t hold up. Problems like-

• Why is the reportedly most powerful wizard in the world a high school principal?
• Why are these kids not also being taught history, literature, and chemistry?
• Is Voldemort such a nerdy loser that his plan for domination gets undone by his insistence on conquering his old school?

Also, why not just shoot the guy?

I mean seriously- he clearly views Muggles [non magic-users] in such low regard that he’d never see it coming. Granted, this is the issue I have with Doctor Who, Sherlock, and most British shows, but I do think that there’s few problems a well-aimed .44 can’t solve.

Yes, that’s a distinctly American attitude, and part of my problem with Rowling’s latest venture.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is an upcoming movie series from
Warner Bros., based off of the 2001 book of the same name. Moving away from our old stomping grounds at Hogwarts, Rowling intends to introduce the long-anticipated wider world of wizardy.

And it hasn’t been going so good.

The good folks over at Native Appropriations have already shared their own concerns about Rowling’s potential glorification of Native Americans. As Evan pointed out earlier this year, Rowling fell into the common (but nevertheless patronizing and wrong) error of treating the continent of Africa as one homogeneous state. Her subsequent attempt to offer clarification seemed even more slapdash and hurried than her original statement. Rowling’s decision to located Asia’s school of wizardy in Japan seems a little oblivious to the fact that the country isn’t exactly looked upon with fondness by its Chinese and Korean neighbors.

I wonder why…

And then there’s America in general.

Rowling insists that the American slang for “Muggle” is “No-Maj.”- which is perhaps the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. It’s the perfect example of what an English person would think American vernacular would be.

It’s the Tom Haverford approach to literature.

It would be funny if it wasn’t scary.

Or maybe that’s a bad word for it.

I’m not going to put this on par with the orientalism and cultural appropriation the US does on a daily basis, but I’m also of the opinion that two wrongs don’t make a right.

And I don’t want to be melodramatic here either- a few poorly chosen words on the part of Rowling hardly signifies the blowing of the 7th trumpet. But we do have one of the biggest cultural forces in film and literature about to touch on the attitudes and values of some 320 million people. There are ramifications to that which I’m not confident Rowling takes into account.

Forgive me if that concerns me a bit.

I know Americans have earned an image abroad as loud, brash, vulgar, violent simpletons. No seriously- I spent my whole life overseas, that image is one I’m all too familiar with. And yes, with Trump dominating the news and America’s ugly wars dragging ever on, it’d be tough to argue against that.

Yet I feel compelled to.

The sins of my countrymen aside, I don’t like being plastered with this image any more than Arabs like being pictured with turbans or Latinos with sombreros.

And truth be told, this feels a little more irritating coming from an English person more than anything else. Having myself visited Britain on numerous occasions, I can say with no small degree of convictions that when it comes to vulgarity, our European cousins have us beat hollow.

Seriously, have you seen the British parliament? Or British tabloids?

The Daily Mirror: Page after page of near child-pornography and some sanctimonious article questioning why sickos keep kidnapping toddlers.

I’m not saying we don’t have our problems- we do. And yours truly spends most every week blogging his grievances and rants about those very problems. But for all of our faults we are a culture, and a rich one at that.

The Civil War- over a hundred and fifty years old- still has a massive impact on our politics and values. The role that religion plays in politics (and politics in religion) sets us a world apart from both theocracies and wholly secular states. Our passion for justice and liberty- even when it’s misguided- is a distinctly American element. Ours is a rich (if bloody) tapestry of races and creeds, all seeking a new and better life on these shores.

Are these things that J.K. Rowling understands?

I’ve yet to see any evidence.

If anything, my research just seems to keep unearthing more and more troubling features. Consider, for example, the status of the American wizarding community’s leadership:

“The wizarding population of the United States of America is governed by the Magical Congress of the United States of America; by 2014, the President of the Magical Congress of the United States of America was Samuel G. Quahog.

The seat of the American magical government is Woolworth Building in New York.”

–HarryPotterWikia, “United States of America”

That right there is ****ing dumb.

For good or ill, Americans are simply not Americans without our devotion to the sweet land o’ liberty. I took issue with Britain’s Ministry of Magic being a separate entity from Queen-and-Country, but for us to believe that American wizards wouldn’t be involved in the great three-ring-circus that is our beloved democracy is just absurd.

And while we’re on that- let’s talk about “Rappaport’s Law.”

According to Pottermore (the official website of all things Harry Potter), “Rappaport’s law” was introduced by the wizarding community in the US as an ill-advised attempt at national security following a persecution of wizards:

“Rappaport’s Law enforced strict segregation between the No-Maj and wizarding communities. Wizards were no longer allowed to befriend or marry No-Majs. Penalties for fraternising with No-Majs were harsh. Communication with No-Majs was limited to that necessary to perform daily activities.”

Again, that’s not exactly comforting.

The immediate parallel one’s mind flies to is that of the ugly Jim Crow segregation laws of the pre-Civil Rights US. Legislation against interracial marriages, against the depictions of integration, societal pressure to keep folks separated on the basis of ethnicity, and so on.

If such a comparison is meant to be drawn (and it certainly looks like it is), then the implications are pretty dang messed up. Segregation was implemented in the US purely out of a form of racist oppression- nothing more. Rowling’s magic/muggle version, however, seems to imply that such measures were taken out of a need for security. Of course that’s nothing near a perfect comparison, and I very well could be reading into things, but it nevertheless seems just plain sloppy. Like a defining feature of American history was taken and reworked, forgetting that without the context the whole issue at hand becomes- at the very least- insensitive. I’m sure Rowling wouldn’t do that intentionally, but this slapdash approach to other cultures is starting to look pretty par-for-the-course.

“Sometime at the end of the 19th century, a legislation was introduced which would require all American wizards and witches to have a permit allowing them to carry a wand, a measure that was intended to keep tabs on all magical activity and identify the perpetrators by their wands.”

HarryPotterWikia, “Magical Congress of the United States of America”

You can have my wand when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Seriously, you have met us, right?

Even our professional demon-hunters have guns, for ****’s sake.

We are a gun culture- there’s no other way of putting it. The firearm is practically sacred to the American public- it’s the symbol of liberty and independence. Almost a third of this country are proud (and for the most part, responsible) gun-owners, and support for gun rights is incredibly popular. You cannot tell me that the reference above isn’t a less-than-subtle comment about gun control and you cannot tell me that you’d believe such a thing would be tolerated in the great US of A. My own views aside, I don’t mind Rowling offering her own perspective on firearms- I do mind her trying to paint her view as being the beliefs of American wizards (the folks American readers have eagerly awaited).

That is appropriation. The reduction of a culture.

And yes, these are all just background elements for the upcoming films and yes, I very well could be reaching here. But considering J.K. Rowling’s recent track record on the world beyond the British Isles, I’m not exactly optimistic.

No, I’m not asking for some in-depth breakdown of American society and politics- that’d be absurd. What I am asking for is to not be painted in broad strokes- to be reduced to a few stereotypes (positive or negative). I’m just holding out hope for a bit of understanding when it comes to what makes North Americans tick (that’s the US, Canada, and Mexico). This new venture is going to try to show the world of magic beyond the perspective of a little school in the British countryside- I’m asking that such a perspective be at least earnest.

I mean, even Key & Peele‘s riff on “American Hogwarts” was sincerely American…

…Or CollegeHumor’s take on the same thing…

Seriously- just the fact that every Americanized Hogwarts takes place in an impoverished inner-city public school should alone say something about the American experience.

Again, none of this is exactly earth-shatteringly important.

Lives are not at stake here. The kingdoms and fortunes of man shall not be won or lost in the upcoming film series. This is, in all regards, not the worst thing to happen in literature, and as both Evan and Native Appropriations has demonstrated, not even the worst thing to happen in the expanded HP universe.

Still, I want to put it out there.

I think we deserve better. If not as a culture, then at least as the subjects of one of the most popular and impactful pieces of literature since Tom Sawyer or Narnia.

That’s not so much to ask, right?

Seems like just yesterday that I was extolling the virtues of a bold little show called American Horror Story.

In one of the most (unfairly) reviled and (fairly) stagnant genres, AHS was raising the bar. Ushering in a whole new flock of horror fans and giving the long-timers a much needed breath of fresh air. It offered intrinsically good stories and managed to offer cutting social justice commentary at the same time.

So what on earth happened?

We can debate where it all went wrong, but I don’t think anybody can deny that the show is suffering on all fronts, and not even the Evan Peters fanservice is enough to hold it together. [Spoilers from this point on. -Ed.]

The dude’s the be-all-end-all, if the show’s female fans are to be believed

I could spend all day listing my litany of complaints about the past couple seasons- the skull-numbing boredom of AHS: Freak Show, the abysmally scattered and campy AHS: Hotel (I will never forgive Lady Gaga’s inclusion)…

I **** you not, the woman’s so vain that her character seduced a gay guy and it was somehow supposed to be taken as her being “progressive”

…but you probably wouldn’t need me for any of that (again though, **** everything about Gaga’s role in this show).

What I’d like to do instead is offer my own armchair suggestions for recapturing that eldritch magic the first couple seasons had. Because I hope that maybe, just maybe, some bored writer will stumble across this piece and think “hey, that’s not a half bad idea!”

Because I’m also that vain.

Not as vain as Gaga though- Miss “I Need To Appear In A Different Crazy Outfit In Every ****ing Scene And Fondle My Harem of Identical Dudes.”

Okay, I promise I’m done.

So, anonymous and probably non-existent AHS employee who’ll probably never see this, here’s one horror fan’s humble recommendations for restoring one of his favorite shows to its former glory.

Bring Back The Horror

Look, I know there’s limits to what you can show on TV, but considering how much I had to see of Lady Gaga’s leper-white butt (I lied- I will never stop complaining about this), it can’t be all that much.

And I know there’s limits to what you will show on the series- and that is, in part, commendable. Good horror leaves a lot to the imagination, and you can’t exactly welcome non-horror fans with an ocean of blood and gore.

That said, you have got to bring back the creep factor. Take away any sense of dread in American Horror Story and all you’re left with is a bunch of good actors in Halloween costumes.

And I think it’s Season 3 where you guys went wrong there. Coven had the potential to be a decent, American-Hogwarts style story that dealt with race issues (earnestly, if a little ham-fistedly), but you just cannot resurrect characters from the dead whenever you want.

Not really, no.

It absolutely obliterates any concern we have for the characters, who are supposed to be our avatars in this dark and hostile world. Any sense of danger, any sense of threat, gets stripped away. Someone dies, and I don’t get any sense of surprise or shock, I’m just left wondering how long it will be before some the arrival of some contrived excuse to bring ’em back. That’s what makes shows like Game of Thrones and (fomerly) Lost so engrossing and believable- you had the constant threat that your favorite character would be cruelly snatched away from you. It gave everyone a deep sense of worry- it didn’t matter how brave or intelligent or devious a character might be- the world don’t give a ****.

And that’s something we can all relate to. The lingering dread that we are utterly insignificant and an empty, black universe. That is terrifying. That is a fundamental fear that all humans are united in.

When nobody dies, or at the very least, when everyone has the potential to be brought back with some convenient deus ex machina, we might as well just be watching a soap opera.

Bring Back The Mystery

And that might sound like an unfair request, seeing as how the latest season of AHS centered around a detective trying to solve a Se7en-style mystery. But that’s not the kind of mystery I’m talking about.What I think made the first couple seasons of AHS so jaw-droppingly good was their ability to really mess around with our understanding of reality. We didn’t get to see the world, we only saw the world through the eyes of whoever the plot happened to follow. The result was absolutely spectacular. We’re left in a constant state of doubt, always wondering what was real and what wasn’t. That alone taps into another fundamental fear present in all humans- that there’s something terribly wrong with the world, something lurking just outside our field of vision. In and of itself, it’s chilling, and beyond that, it gives the show the freedom to be really surreal, even nonsensical, with its terrifying imagery. We can watch helplessly as a character sees the most demented stuff, only for us to be left wondering “Did that really happen?”

Let’s talk Moira here-

Easily one of my favorite parts of Season 1, Moira was a perfect example in this split in the way characters saw the world around them. In Dr. Harmon’s eyes (and in the eyes of most of the show’s straight males), Moira appeared as an extremely fetching young lady in an almost comically small maid’s outfit. To the female/non-straight characters Moira appeared as an elderly spinster (in a much more practical uniform). Later in the season, there was even a bit of dialogue between Moira and Mrs. Harmon about “the male gaze“- but even for that, we as the audience were left pretty much helpless about the real nature of things.

Season 2, set in an insane asylum, played this up even further- with the events of the show always leaving us questioning if what we just saw was real or just a product of the witnesses madness.

And yet I doubt even that…

Not to say that the last few seasons haven’t done that a bit, just that they haven’t done them nearly enough. Too often we get an objective, clinical view of exactly what’s going on.

And is so, so boring.

Bring Back The Social Commentary

While never dominating the show, a strong sense of social commentary has always existed in the better seasons of AHS.

Season 1 (Murder House) focused a lot on the role given to women, with references made on everything from “hysteria” (the actual theory folks had that “craziness” in women was a disorder of the uterus) to the aforementioned “Male Gaze” to Charlotte Gilman’s The Yellow Wallpaper.

And there are soooo many other examples I could give but won’t because of [further] spoilers…

Heck, even the very slipshod Season 3 (Coven) made some attempts at addressing this country’s ugly and lasting legacy of racism.

Admittedly, I had trouble finding a gif that encapsulated that, but just take my word for it that this character is talking about some pretty rough historical stuff.

Beyond the obvious benefit of getting a conversation going about the sins of our fathers and helping us all understand each other, it gives the horror another way to really seep in. It forces us to confront the things we, as a society, are legitimately afraid of facing- bigotry, sexism, homophobia- you name it.

And while Season 4 (Freakshow) made a pitiful attempt to follow suit, trying to address prejudice against the disfigured and nonconformist, it really failed to tap into anything visceral. Season 5 failed to make any effort at all, and I don’t think it’s unfair to be worried about this trend continuing. Sure, not every episode needs to have some agenda of social justice, but you can’t separate the ghosts of the show from those that haunt our minds and culture to this day.

And while we’re on that…

Bring Back The “American”

I mean, why call it American Horror Story unless it’s distinctly American?

That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with the horror that’s being produced elsewhere- there’s not. It’s just that this country has produced countless great horror authors, and some of the greatest tales of dread the world has ever seen. Why not capitalize on that?

Make an American Horror Story: Lovecraft, is I guess what I’m going for here.

This country practically invented the genre of cosmic horror- of incomprehensible evil lurking in the darkness between the stars and in the shadows of the forgotten places of the world. Why stick with the cliches when you have that legacy right there waiting to be used?

We have the eternally eerie Southern Gothic to be taken advantage of (shooting Coven in New Orleans is a start, but it’s not enough).

Heck, your own fan base is making flipping cover art for you.

****, this looks good.

And I say this all with the gnawing suspicion that the rumors are true- that Season 6 is going to be set in an orphanage.

And is that it?

Perhaps one of the single most cliched settings in horror history?

C’mon guys. You can do better than this.

I know you can.

Again, **** Lady Gaga.

You know what I realized after two whole weeks off of writing reviews? I don’t have to watch these episodes anymore! No, I don’t mean that the show is ending. 2 Broke Girls has actually been renewed for a sixth season alongside a slew of CBS’ other programs. What I mean is that a quick visit to their website will tell you everything you need to know about the next episode.

All of the images I use for the banner graphics above my reviews are taken from slideshows on CBS.com, which are always accompanied by captions. This week’s, for example, contains such gems as:

• Randy’s therapist breaks some bad news to Max.
• Max drowns her sorrows in tiny bottles of booze.
• Max listens to what Sophie’s guru has to say about her recent breakup.
• Max, Caroline, and Sophie return to Brooklyn after an extended stay in Hollywood.

You could also just read the synopsis given underneath the very first promo photo, which tells us that:

The girls near the end of their Hollywood adventure, which finds Caroline signing away the film rights to her life story while Max deals with the fall-out after her L.A. steady, Randy, breaks up with her via his therapist. Plus, Sophie continues to try everything she can to get pregnant on the next episode of 2 Broke Girls entitled “And The Pity Party Bus.”

Which isn’t to say that other TV shows don’t also use similar write-ups to hype their upcoming episodes, they do, but they also tend to preserve a bit of the mystery. A conflict is typically mentioned, as opposed to the conflict [Max gets dumped!] and the eventual conclusion [the girls return to NY!]. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you could skim a dozen or so photos instead of tuning in for twenty-something minutes of TV every Thursday night. You could always just do that and then read my reviews!

To be fair, the episode lays it out in the first few seconds that the girls will be back in Williamsburg before we know it. Caroline closes out her deal to sell her life story while talking to Max about how serious it’s going with Randy, which foreshadows the breakup that immediately follows. The three of them are sitting in the same hotel bar/restaurant they first met when they’re joined by Elliot Charles, Randy’s therapist [played by John Michael Higgins, probably best known now for being the Pitch Perfect commentator who’s not Elizabeth Banks].

Though I’ve always loved him as Professor Whitman on Community. [Season 1, Episode 3 “Introduction to Film”]

Between there and the diner there are only two more short stops, with the first dedicated to closure. Unlike her breakup with Deke, which offered so little resolution that audiences of the show were unsure things had even ended between them, things with Randy are given a definitive end. Deciding to take a party bus back to the airport to cheer up her best friend, Caroline directs their driver to Randy’s house and forces the . . .

. . . incredibly well-built gentleman . . .

. . . to explain why he chose to break things off. He tells her that “the truth” is that he “[likes her] too much.” And that’s that. Later they drop by to see Audra, a healer, who is supposed to be helping Sophie get pregnant. Instead she spends much more time helping Max with her feelings, still raw from the day’s events, with a hokey procedure involving literally bottling [okay, jarring] her feelings.

All in all, it feels like a way of amending what happened late in Season 3 of 2 Broke Girls, even if it is an entire two years late. Of course it would help if we really felt anything about Randy, who doesn’t quite hold up a candle to Deke as far as being likeable or interesting. Still, I suppose it’s the thought that counts. Max has an important relationship come to an end and the show devotes a good amount of screentime to allow both her and the audience to come to terms with it. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s an improvement in storytelling at the very least.

As a capper to the episode, it turns out that Sophie has been pregnant for the past three months! This is really exciting news, blunted slightly by the fact that she’s been drinking this entire time [most recently five martinis on the plane ride over]. That unfortunate fact aside, it’ll be interesting to see how the show treats this going forward, and if the show has room for a infant actor and the chops to appropriately deal with Sophie and Oleg as parents. Max and Caroline [and Sophie, I guess] coming back to Williamsburg coincides with 2 Broke Girls‘ return to television, and I’m hoping that the time away has given the writers’ room the time they need for a full return to the status quo to feel new and fresh, instead of just more of the same.

Current Total: $390.

New Total: $90. Ostensibly spent on the party bus. It’s also heavily implied by Caroline that they’re going to be coming into money within the next month or so, so I’ll be watching out for that in the coming episodes.

The Title Refers To: Max’s breakup resulted in her feeling sorry for herself, which she spent doing, in part, on a party bus. Honestly, this is one of my favourite 2 Broke Girls episode titles ever, and I only wish they’d spent more time on it.

Stray Observations:

• “Earl, I told you to mop the entrance! That floor is dirtier than Bob Saget at a Comedy Central Roast.” Han has gotten snippy with the girls away.
• “I don’t think any of us are gonna make it past tomorrow. Han’s walkin’ around like he owns the place.” / “I do own the place!!!“
• There’s a whole bit where Caroline talks to Max about how she’s always using the f-word, which feels off if only because it’s so obviously false. I half expected them to opt for some old-fashioned bleeped out swears [a la the most recent episode of Black-ish], but instead they opt for a non-censored “bitch”.
• Mao, acupuncturist to the stars. Tag-line: “He’s poked more famous people than John Meyer”
• This episode also feels like a slap in the face to Maxoline shippers. First with Max saying that she was only bisexual for a week, but mostly because she was hitchhiking. Then with her cracking: “No guy, but now I have a middle-aged lesbian lover.”
• It’s really hard to shock Caroline ever since she saw a mouse dry-humping a potato on her couch.
• The last time Max was really angry she tore off an eyebrow. Caroline, seconds later: “And it took me a long time [dramatic pause] to grow it back.”
• “I rarely say this to a lady, but, ‘Put a baby in me!‘”
• “You know what they say, absence makes . . . me have to masturbate almost constantly.” My favourite-ever line from Oleg, I think.

It seems like a lifetime ago that this blog’s editor and yours truly discussed the question “Why is Christian media so bad?”

Because it is.

So bad.

Like there are dirty limericks carved into the side of gas station bathrooms with more artistic and spiritual merit, and for anyone who doubts me I’d challenge you to watch God’s Not Dead 2, which premiered on the first of this month.

As much as you might pray otherwise- no, this is not some elaborate April Fool’s trick. This wretched, pandering slog of garbage is absolutely real, the hellspawn of 2014’s disturbingly popular (and obliviously sacrilegious) God’s Not Dead.

Look, as much as I’d like to pour out seven bowls of wrath upon this nasty, ugly product of a nasty, ugly franchise, I’m not going to. There are people who’ve already done so with more eloquence than I could muster, and I legitimately think I’d have a stroke if I tried to convey my repulsive and rage to this unholy dreck. If you’ve got a shred of artistic judgment or basic morality, you can see what makes this movie bad.

So let me ask this instead:

What would a good Christian movie look like?

Here’re some of my ideas-

That Dark Battle

The God’s Not Dead franchise has a habit of using death and disease to hamfistedly make its points. Is the prideful atheist looking down her Ivy-League nose at these simple, humble Christians? Smite her with cancer! Haha! She’s not so high-and-mighty now that she’s facing a slow and painful death! Thanks, God!

Think that’s a bit cruel?

It’s OK! She converted and has been miraculously cured! Because no God-fearing person has ever died of cancer and no atheist has died of anything else!

I **** you not- that happens in the first God’s Not Dead.

Mr. David A.R. White- On behalf of everyone who’s ever lost a loved one to cancer, allow me to say a heartfelt “****. You.”

But that doesn’t happen.

To quote my favorite book of the Bible, “In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: the righteous perishing in their righteousness, and the wicked living long in their wickedness” (Ecclesiastes 7:15, NIV).

In other words- **** happens, and there doesn’t seem to be much justice behind it.

Stephen Fry, speaking on what he’d ask if he met God.

Instead of making the absurdly cruel and heretical claim that disease and suffering are divine punishment, why not actually try to grapple with the frightening and upsetting realities of sickness and mortality? Why not make an honest, heartfelt attempt to make some sense of the senseless- to provide something beyond insincerely quoted Bible verses.

Hell, it’s not like the source material doesn’t exist. Maybe you could give us a movie about a good guy who’s living the American dream- only for it all to fall apart and for him to left wondering why. Maybe his wife and a few of his old business partners could swing by his shack and converse with him about how he’s supposed to come to terms with his situation. A challenge, certainly, but with an open mind, some clever dialogue, and some character building, I think you’d be able to pull it off.

See My Dinner With Andre or 44 Inch Chest for good examples

And no, before anyone starts salivating- this is absolutely, 100% not an invitation to claim that faith will heal you of their your physical or spiritual afflictions. If the movie’s going to be honest (and maybe it could be the first Christian movie ever to be so), it’s going to have to leave the ending ambiguous. Present all sides of the issue and let the audience arrive at their own conclusions- it’ll be a whole lot more effective (artistically and religiously) than using a concrete message to beat ’em into submission.

Bonhoeffer & Friends

Yeah, Bonhoeffer.

The German pastor who was executed by the Nazis for his failed attempt to assassinate Hitler- an action that remains controversial among Christians even to this day. With so many self-proclaimed believers applauding calls for war
surely a movie dealing with the difficult issue of justified violence would be appropriate.

And maybe it’d be exciting- heaven knows a bit of suspense would be a breath of fresh in in an industry where every movie ends with “and then everyone was saved and didn’t have any more problems.” Sure, everyone will know that Bonhoeffer fails- but the nail-biting tension of the conspiracy unraveling, that would make for a good movie. Same goes for John Brown- the American abolitionist who made a failed attempt to lead a slave insurrection. Were his violent vigilante actions against the government justified? Where’s the boundary between being a good citizen and being a good person? Shoot- you could even scrap the whole backwoods skirmishes and just show a courtroom drama. That would beat the smug **** out of God’s Not Dead 2.

Just imagine how metal the cover art would be…

Sacred Agent Man

I think that one of the greatest failings within Christian media is the assumption that every protagonist has to be a shining, sterling epitome of all Christian values. I’m talking about your all-knowing, all-wise pastors; your gentle and ever-supportive housewives, your impassioned, never-doubting young folks, out witnessing to a unappreciative and oh-so-wicked world.

The Flanders, only without the sarcasm.

The reality of the situation is that I think audiences- including Christians- relate a hell of a lot more to flawed and even straight-up evil characters. People with actual struggles. Struggles which they don’t always win. Good people who do bad things every once in a while. Bad people who do good things every once in a while.

People like us.

Let’s stop having every single character convert during the two hours of the movie. It often feels weird and downright manipulative.

Let’s talk about Bond, James Bond.

I don’t think any Christian would make anything close to a James Bond movie, and yet Christians don’t shy away from enjoying the series. And there is something so terrifically wrong about that picture right there.

“But Gordon, you vicious and unexpected inquisitor! It’s about the general theme of things. Sure, James Bond isn’t the greatest guy- but nobody is saying he is! What’s redeeming about the series is the inherent quality of the movies and the general struggle of good against evil!”

OK, so if you can enjoy a movie like that, guilt-free, then why can’t you ****ing make one?

“What? With explicit nudity and graphic sex scenes?”

Nah, they don’t have to be graphic- but there’s nothing inherently harmful about some appropriate nudity and you can’t ignore sex outright. At the very least, the topic needs to be engaged with without the ****ing director having to switch out with his actors for kiss scenes.

“But would James Bond still sleep around?”

I’d say yeah- that’s part of who he is. And while it was a shallow and often misogynistic part of earlier Bond installments, they really show Craig’s Bond’s womanizing as being a part of his broken character. All of his “conquests” leave him empty- clearly there’s something he’s missing, and he’s all the more human for it.

Though most human’s don’t drink whisky with scorpions. Unless you’re me, and you drink whisky in an apartment with a scorpion problem. Ask Evan- he’ll tell you.

So we don’t need a Christian James Bond- we don’t even need another James Bond (it’s what we have James Bond for). But what we could use are some movies that are satisfied with just being movies- that hold empathy as being as important (if not more important) than evangelism.

Game Of Throne of Thrones

It wasn’t so long ago that influential writer, megachurch pastor, and open misogynist John Piper railed against HBO’s wildly popular series, Game of Thrones. Piper likened the show to “re-crucifying” Christ, which is a strong analogy even by my standards (and I’m a guy who likes his analogies like I like my women: so strong that Piper would be intimidated by ’em).

And Piper’s complaints about GoT’s sex and violence seem a bit hypocritical, seeing as how the Bible ain’t exactly free from the old ultraviolence itself. We’ve got torture, executions, genocide, natural disasters (are they still “natural” disasters if Jehovah pelts you with ****ing frogs?). There’s incest, rape, slavery, seduction, a whole book devoted to some of the weirdest sexual metaphors you can imagine.

Solomon was apparently a big David Cronenberg fan…

Look, I could go on here, but we’d be listing stuff off all day. Suffice it to say that Game of Thrones has nothing on the Bible.

So why not work with that?

Use the Bible’s stories of political intrigue, epic journeys, and bloody battles to create a what so many folks have waited for- a true-to-the-source, TVMA play-by-play of the Old Testament. And yeah- before anyone reminds me, they did try to do a take on this with a show called Kings, based loosely off of the rise of David. I really, really enjoyed that show, and I think it’s a shame it got cancelled.

Seriously- it had Ian McShane playing King Saul. How do you cancel a thing like that?

And apparently ABC is making a historical drama also based off King David (and produced by Reza Aslan). Clearly there’s a wide market for this stuff. If Christians are so convinced that they have no say in today’s culture, well, there’s no better opportunity than here.

Better Angels

Or maybe instead of shrieking with apoplectic horror that we have a show called Lucifier– maybe you could do something along those lines. A comedy, for a change, might do something to dispel the idea that Christians can’t take a joke.

There is show after ****ing show that deals directly with the supernatural. You’ve got Ghost Whisperer (yes, there’s at least one ghost in the Bible- deal with it), The X-Files (soooo glad they’re back), and a show literally called “Supernatural”, which is pretty much nothing but angels and demons locked in epic struggle.

So where other shows throw in drama, why not go for something more lighthearted. Like a show where an angel gets assigned to some very average Joe Schmoe and the two of ’em grapple with morality in a world where doing the right thing really isn’t as simple as folks might make it out to be. With our culture’s willingness to believe in angels and demons, you can’t tell me there’s not room for a divine comedy.

For Heaven’s Sake…

…the first damn God’s Not Dead netted over 62 million dollars.  Don’t try to tell me that money’s what’s stopping folks from upping the quality. From that faith that gave the world the Sistine chapel, Lord of the Rings, and the entire works of Bach- I cannot, I will not believe that this is the best you can offer.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

I just got home from a mini get-away with a few of my best friends. While I had the best of intentions when it came to prepping this post ahead of time, here I am, a few hours away from when it should go up, feeling completely braindead. Rather than offer a poor attempt at the topic I had in mind, I thought I would bring you all along on my procrastination journey.

Step 1: Set up Your Space

It’s hard to focus when your work area is a mess. The night is still young, so you might as well start things out right by straightening up your desk.

Step 2: Find Some Snacks

Obviously you are going to need sustenance to continue. You aren’t going to write anything of quality on an empty stomach.

Step 3: Browse Facebook

As a blogger, I spend a decent chunk of time reading articles I come across on Facebook. The social media platform can also be really helpful in choosing a relevent topic, since trending issues tend to be things people want to read about.

Step 3: Make Tea

I live in a basement. Basements get cold. If you get cold, like me, you should probably go make some tea.

Step 4: Look up Something Relevant on Youtube, then Lose Yourself in a Spiral of Unrelated Videos

I don’t know what it is, but I am a sucker for Top Ten videos. Maybe it’s because they make me feel like I’ve watched a bunch of different movies in under ten minutes. Maybe it’s because the narrator tends to have a soothing voice. Either way, they are sitting there waiting for me every time I turn to the site. Sometimes, I’ll pop over to youtube to watch one of these tempting time-killers while I’m sipping my first cup of tea. But even if I was originally searching for a more relevent video, I’ll often wind up thoughtlessly clicking on something else when it pops up.

Step 5: Take an Exercise Break

Feeling stiff? Maybe you should stop and do some yoga. Or you could go for a quick run. You never know. Maybe all that cold air will energize you so that you can get some writing done.

Step 6:  Sleep on it

I’ve found that when it comes to writing, some days words will easily pour onto a page, and other days it’s as hard as making rich people pay their taxes. I used to always force myself to write something, anything, even if I hated it the next day, and while there are certainly times where there is no way around just getting the job done, sometimes a good night’s sleep is all you need to organize your ideas.

At any rate, that’s what I’m hoping for.

In a little bit of a continuation from last week’s review, tonight’s episode could easily be summed up with “Max and Caroline’s friendship is tested very little, and unsurprisingly manages to remain intact.” While that’s par for the course for quite a few episodes along the years, with a bit of a shakeup in their relationship occurring every so often, what’s interesting is the showrunner’s decision to turn to this narrative just as the status quo is reestablished.

Yes, Max and Caroline are back to waitressing at the diner, and almost immediately the impending $250K payday from Caroline selling her movie rights starts being thrown around. The thing is, it immediately starts to collide with the goal of the first few seasons: the girls’ cupcake business. It’s so strange to see that being brought up again, especially when it hasn’t been brought up since Episode 10 of this season [and even then, it was simply to have Max bump into an old friend].

Their cupcake business has played so small a part that when the studio audience gasps in response to Sophie asking Max and Caroline if they “know any bakers” I was initially confused. Why would they be offended by that question? When was the last time they baked anything, let alone sold any baked goods at all?

I suppose that Max’s Homemade Cupcakes taking a backseat to the rest of their zany adventures adds to their eventual [and short-lived] conflict over what to do with the money. That disagreement is introduced by Martin Channing [Steven Weber], Caroline’s imprisoned father who we haven’t seen since late in Season 2 [seriously, it has been three actual years since the last time he was on the show]. While there are some pretty entertaining diversions with the musical he wrote as a part of his therapy in prison, he’s primarily there to be a wedge that [temporarily] keeps the girls apart.

Yes, I’m belabouring the point a little, but the truth is that things never escalate all that far. Martin Channing tells Max that the $250K is exactly what his daughter needs to start a new life and that “this is her big chance, you just gotta let her go” [ie. to Wall Street, to make it big]. While she never explicitly states how she’s feeling, Kat Dennings acts exactly the way someone would when being accused of being the anchor that holds people back: she lashes out. There’s a bit of a fight involving cake batter that culminates in Han getting the majority of it in his face, and not long afterwards Caroline is asking her father what he told her friend.

While that plot ends as it always does, with Max and Caroline staying committed to their friendship and business partnership, what I have to give the writers credit for is how much they’re calling back to what 2 Broke Girls was at its outset. Chestnut [their horse] makes an appearance, and  they even muse aloud how “Five years ago we were sitting on Chestnut with our iced coffees.” They even said at that time that $250K was all they needed to start their business, and now here they are with that money coming to them in a fairly short time and the shop already in place.

While the Wharton graduate has no exact plans as to how to spend their money, it’s her streetwise roommate who comes up with “Dessert Bar”, a way to combine their current business model with the tiny bottles from the minibar they enjoyed so much on the west coast. It’s an intriguing idea, albeit one that ignores the hurdles necessary when it comes to obtaining a liquor license. That said it’s still a return to the Max and Caroline doing what they always set out to do, and while it’s not the freshest direction it somehow feels right to have them return to chasing that particular dream.

This episode also has Sophie and Oleg wanting to find out the sex of their baby. They ultimately don’t, which is fine.

Current Total: $90.

New Total: $72. Okay, so Sophie and Oleg hire the girls to make them a “gender reveal cake”, but Caroline botches it by forgetting the food colouring. The Eastern European couple refuses to pay them, which is how I’m accounting for the missing 18 bucks.

The Title Refers To: I suppose this could refer to the gender reveal cake that I mentioned up above, though it honestly comprises such a small part of this episode. That’s what I’m going with, though. The expectant parents want to be shown the sex of their child, but not verbally told.

Stray Observations:

• Han admits that he’s “been wanting another Asian in the mix for some time!” While I want this in almost all media, this show may be the exception.
• He also claims that Freddie Prinze Jr. works more than Max and Caroline, which was a pretty sick burn.
• This week Earl is so old he can’t shake his head.
• Caroline’s means to save money are pretty bad, actually [using their bath mat for toilet paper?]. Maybe she should head over to /r/frugal for some pointers.
• “If those inmates weren’t hardened criminals before, they will be once they see you wearing that-“
• Honestly, the musical numbers are not as bad as those I’ve seen in other sitcoms.
• “Steel bars; steel bars on our balls / Steel bars on this jail, and there ain’t no bail / And nobody caaaallllllls”
• Also, huge props to the writers for not going to the well of “people have gay sex in prison, hahaha”.
• “Moody Giuliani” is the best nickname I have ever heard on 2 Broke Girls.
• “I didn’t lose it, I just don’t have it and I don’t know where it is-“
• “Like a waitress at a vegan restaurant, you’re bringing almost nothing to the table.”
• “That’s the hardest thing I’ve had to take in all day. And at lunch they served us something called ‘brown’.” Prison is hard.
• Sophie and Oleg had such a bitingly clever exchange it felt strange coming from their mouths.

“[The cake’s] white, what does that mean?”

“It means it has a chance of being nominated for an Academy Award.”

So right off the bat, I want to say that Arthur Chu of Jeopardy-winning fame has already done much of the groundwork for me with his [spoiler-filled] article “Not Your Asian Ninja: How the Marvel Cinematic Universe Keeps Failing Asian-Americans“. In it he recounts his primary disappointment with the second season of Netflix’s Daredevil, namely that the Asians presented in that show are generally villains across the board.

Not only are they of an evil persuasion, they’re also, as the title of his piece implies, mostly ninjas. In terms of sheer volume the vast majority of Asians seen on screen during the season’s 13 episodes are that particular brand of martial artist. The rest are, in terms of representation, gangsters, white collar criminals, and crime lords. It is, as Chu says, “Not a good look.”

He picks the Kitchen Irish, a gang of an obvious ethnic background, as his primary example of the show using nuance with a people group. Matthew Murdock, the titular crimefighter himself, is of Irish descent, and another character nicknamed “Grotto” is a former member of the mob who elicits sympathy from both the show’s cast and its audience. While I understand that Irish heritage is unique and distinct from many others, and that people of Irish descent suffered extreme racism in early American history, what shouldn’t be ignored is the fact that on the surface they are White. As are the members of fellow gang the Dogs of Hell. As are Murdock’s friends Karen Page and Foggy Nelson. As is Frank Castle, the Punisher, as well as newspaper editor Mitchell Ellison. Television is full of White people, and with Daredevil being no exception simply stating that there are varied roles within even one subgroup feels like a given.

Unfortunately, Asians fail even when stacked up against other racial minorities.

Seen above, from left to right, are Claire Temple, nurse, police officer Brett Mahoney, smuggler-who-cannot-catch-a-break Turk Barrett, and Assistant District Attorney Blake Tower. While most of the characters do appear to be upstanding citizens on the straight and narrow, the point is that there’s variation among them. These are also Black New Yorkers who have differing opinions when it comes to their neighbourhood and the vigilante justice that protects it; as the Key & Peele sketch on Black Republicans repeats, albeit in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, they’re “not a monolith!”

If the Black characters were split 50/50 “good guys” and “bad guys”, or even if the ratio were reversed, it would still be better than how Asians were portrayed. Almost every one that appears in Season 2 of Daredevil is a stereotype. There’s no additional depth to them beyond simply being antagonists to our hero, and even the higher-ups among them have their motivations shrouded in mystery and are, to refer back to Chu’s article once again, “dare I say it, inscrutable”.

While stereotypes of any kind don’t do anyone any favours, regardless of how many there are, the problem with token characters is how they so often end up falling into stereotype. Take many of the cartoons that I grew up with, where one of the primary attributes of the Black friend was that he was good at sports [I do need to mention that I liked, and still like, all of these shows]-

From left to right: Gerald from Hey Arnold, Vince from Recess, and yes, even Skeeter from Doug.

Yes, there are Black people who are good at sports, but so are people from many races. There’s nothing wrong with a sporty Black character, but there should be room for others as well. That’s the problem with being a token, or the only member of a certain group, you end up representing every member of that group.

It’s an issue that the upcoming Riverdale, an show on the CW adapting Archie Comics’ beloved characters, very narrowly avoids. See, the role of diminutive all-around super genius Dilton Doiley was given to Daniel Yang . . .

. . . which at first glance seems like a pretty questionable creative choice. In the same way that Black males have been portrayed as being athletic so Asians in general have been depicted as being a bunch of brainy nerds. The only reason this isn’t a complete disaster is that Reggie, Archie’s romantic rival, is being played by Ross Butler.

While it’s undoubtedly good news that an Asian man is being portrayed as being desirable, an issue I’ve covered in-depth before, this also serves to offset Yang’s Doiley as being the only example on the show. This communicates to viewers that yes, Asians can be mild-mannered intellectuals, but also that they can be play the game of love [and not always fairly].

Ultimately the more representation you have the more chances you have to get it right. Imagine if somewhere among the criminals and mystic warriors on Daredevil there was also a lawyer who butted heads against Nelson and Murdock, or maybe even a bartender at the dive the main characters frequent? Even a single Asian on the show who didn’t practice martial arts would have been a step in the right direction, a declaration that just as there is a Darcy Lewis [Kat Dennings’ character] to every Thor there is also a Philip Yao [yeah, I just made that up] in contrast to the villainous Nobu.

Given enough chances to be seen and eventually some of those depictions will be positive and, just as importantly, authentic. Doing away with tokens helps us all get one step closer to eradicating stereotypes, but even then we need to be careful not to paint every character from a certain group with a single stroke.

So apart from Max heckling customers, which the show hasn’t used to grace a cold open in quite some time, and every character besides Han poking fun at the diner’s general hygiene, the typical setting of 2 Broke Girls has rarely been a source of specific humour in the way, say, Sacred Heart hospital was on Scrubs, et cetera. We generally know it’s a dump, but the joke doesn’t extend far beyond that.

Honestly, I didn’t even know what I was missing until I got a taste of it [pun only somewhat intended].

It all begins with Oleg calling out that a “tuna malt” is ready to be served, which is honestly such a ludicrous miscommunication that I couldn’t help but smile.

In addition to that there’s the blackboard of specials, which Max’s atrocious handwriting has turned into a list of food that is . . . well, not as special as Han would probably like. They feature such dishes as “Sloppy Jobs”-

-and “Pork Chips”-

-and while the characters kind of run them into the ground a little, they’re all pretty entertaining. Just having it say “desert” instead of “dessert” is funny, especially given that no one makes note of it. The Williamsburg Diner may be a disgusting establishment, but it’s nice to see that it can also be a place where incompetence is present in the food preparation and signage as well.

As for the actual episode itself, Ed Quinn’s Randy is back! I don’t mean to keep harping on how Max’s relationship with him had its parallels with her dating Deke, but this just proves how much the show is shying away from that approach. Not only did their breakup have a resolution, it turns out it wasn’t really the end! He’s back in New York and looking to start a little something. To skip to the end with this particular arc, after Caroline expresses enough concern to actually grill him in a mock trial he admits that he’s committing to staying in the city for one month to try to make things work. A surprising turn of events to be sure.

As for the rest of the episode, Caroline’s movie money finally comes in and the two girls decide to make their Dessert Bar a reality. This means finding some real estate as Han won’t let them expand their cupcake shop into the dish room. Not willing to leave them in the lurch, their boss decides to connect them with Evie [Camille Chen], a realtor who apparently digs him.

Now, this is something I could cover in-depth down below under the “The Title Refers To” feature, but I’ll do it now. Essentially Evie wants to remain a virgin until marriage, but wants to have sex anyway. Now I hate to say it [and to use a slightly NSFW gif after the jump you’ve been warned], but this is actually something that generally terrible show House of Lies did in its episode “Bareback Town”, and that it did pretty well-

They were in Utah. She’s a Mormon. It’s really not a great show.

-by which I mean to say that House of Lies was pretty crass about it, which it may actually need in this case. 2 Broke Girls makes a bit of a running joke about “loophole” rhyming with another word, you know the one, but generally is kind of tame about it. There’s no real reason for Han to be so reticent about it besides the fact that he’s a pretty emasculated dude. Either way the audience absolutely loved it.

In the end Han decides to let them expand into the diner, and even try a few new things with Evie [just hot yoga, guys]. It’s an episode with some pretty decent highs in the diner-specific-humour and Randy’s return more or less blindsiding me, contrasted with the lows of a lacklustre aaaah-anal-is-scary-and-gross subplot and some iffy race stuff I’ll mention below. In other words it’s standard fare for 2 Broke Girls, but ultimately better than most.

Also Sophie is more pregnant now I guess.

Current Total: $72.

New Total: $250,072. So yeah, that movie money 100% came in. I’m not sure they need all $250K as startup, but NYC’s an expensive place.

The Title Refers To: Anal. See above.

Stray Observations:

• “Aw Sophie, you’re showing! And this time it’s neither of your nipples.”
• The following line joins their crack about White Academy Award winners last week, which doesn’t seem like the sort of lowbrow humour they usually use and which gives me some hope for the show moving forard: “The baby kicks, so it’s either going to be a soccer player or a Los Angeles policeman.”

A Brief Break for Stray Asian Observations:

• “In my country we never comment on two things: women’s pregnancies or Kim Jong-un’s haircut.” Okay, so Han’s North Korean?
• Max quips “Did you say real estate Asian?” and I’ve literally never hated her so much.
• [As far as I can tell] Evie lustfully tells Han “nalang haja” [“나랑 하자”], which translates to “let me”. Han tells Caroline that it means “she wants [him] to come at her hard!”
• At Han and Evie’s exit Max asks “Where were Mickey and Minnie Mouse going?” and honestly what is that even supposed to mean? What the **** is that all about?

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Stray Observations:

• “She likes me, you shrews!” Han’s outburst made me chuckle.
• Randy utilizes “the ol’ Scooby-Doo-fake-footsteps” to trick Max into turning around.
• Apparently Max was once pregnant and actually delivered a baby. Either that or she’d eaten Chipotle. It’s your choice, “whatever makes ya sleep sounder, sweetheart.”
• Randy’s neck is muscular, but not too thick.
• I did kind of like Han’s explanation about Evie wanting to just have anal sex as: “Below the waist she’s like a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back!”
• On a somewhat similar note, on Max’s pros list Randy looks like a man from the front and the back.

Last month I was offered the amazing opportunity to watch a screener of Free State, and published my review at the beginning of this one. Set in mid-70s South Africa the film revolves around an interracial relationship that would have been illegal due to anti-miscegenation laws of that time.

In addition to that I was also able to interview members of the cast and crew via email, with consequent installments of “Free State of Mind” being released in the following days. Up first is a Q&A with Terwadkar Rajiv, who produced the film alongside Piet De Jager and Sallas De Jager.

When many people think of South Africa and racism their minds immediately go to Nelson Mandela and apartheid. What do you think their reaction will be to Free State, which focuses on relations between White people and South Asians, instead of Black people?

Apartheid was one of the dark patches of South Africa, no doubt about that! When South Africa got independence and Nelson Mandela became the President most of the people were thinking – what will be the future of South Africa? Will whites be kicked out of the country? The way things happened clearly shows that all ethnic groups started living towards one nation, South Africa!

Although there are stories during Apartheid where Indians and blacks were tortured, beaten up or even killed by the Police or Army; some whites used to treat Indians & Blacks respectfully! There are so many stories from Apartheid which prove that inter-racial relationships and friendships existed before 1994.

­Free State is a film which focuses on the relationship between Jeanette (Afrikaans White Girl) and Ravi (Handsome Indian man). This also beautifully shows the motherly relationship between Zulu maid Maria and Jeanette, who she raised as her own daughter, ­­making it truly cross cultural and crossing ethnic boundaries.

When we screened Free State in Los Angeles during the Pan African Film Festival where 95% of the audience was black, they all enjoyed & loved the film! They all liked Jeanette’s family and especially Maria played by Leleti Khumalo. They all liked the inter-racial relationship and acceptability from the parents from both sides, even though it was considered as crime during those days.

Considering all these positive responses, I am sure the film will give a new and positive perspective towards South Africa, a Rainbow Nation!

The breathtaking South African landscape is heavily featured throughout the film. Besides being just a beautiful place to live, how else were you intending the country to be seen outside of its borders?

The intention is to change the stereotyping of ethnic groups from Apartheid and show open and vibrant South Africa which accepted inter-racial relationships during those days.

As a love story the couple is obviously the core of Free State. What drew you to Govender and Breytenbach as the leads?

Since this is a Romeo & Juliet story, we were obviously looking for two beautiful looking leads! Andrew Govender being Mr. South Africa in 2012, Sallas (the director) and I coincidentally agreed on him to be the lead after going through a screen test. Nicola Breytenbach coming from Afrikaans background and being a successful super model in USA was a straight and easy choice for Sallas.

Besides calibre, I sometimes give preference to friends! Andrew was in touch with me during the Indian International Film Festival of South Africa, which was arranged by my company. I liked his attitude! Similarly, Nicola was in touch with Sallas. They knew each other and had been thinking of working together for some time. This was the best opportunity to fulfill that!

In many ways Free State can be summed up as being a tragic love story. Was there every any other ending in mind for the film?

There was a quick discussion over a different ending, but we never really seriously considered it.

In more recent events Free State won the Best Director Award at the Luxor African Film Festival in Egypt which, as you can see by the poster far up above, is only one of many with possibly more to come.

Tune in tomorrow to find out more about the preparation that Nicole Breytenbach, one of Free State‘s two leads, went through for her role.